JOBSEARCH: My first LEAD recruiter

Fun Stuff for YOU
September 6th, 2007

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Second, I’m hosting a blog carnival again! This one is for recruiters… but I’m putting a spin on it! I want YOU to write your best or worst recruiter experience ever… something that you want to share with recruiters so they can be better!

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Ahhh, Alba, you always remind me why I am a turkey.

(See for an explanation of the turkey metaphor.)

But this is supposed to be about my “worst” recruiter. That’s easy. he has a special place in my heart.


There are, what I think are Buddhist, teachings that say things like: “the universe gives us what we need whether or not we recognize it”, “lessons are repeated until the student learns”, and “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”.

Under those rules of engagement, this particular recruiter taught me a way out of what I call my “interview slut” era.

Yes, the first time I was tossed out on my keister, when I was but a baby turkey, inexperienced in the ways of the world, I was desperate. I “knew” the rule of large numbers. 100 ads equaled an phone call, 100 phone calls equaled an interview, 100 interviews equals a paycheck. Hey, I said I was a baby turkey. AND, as a Type A, I knew I could out perform the pack. No stone was left unturned. I was frenzied. I was berserk. I could keep two printers going burning up the “numbers”. I had wall charts. No head hunter would be ignored. No ad unanswered. Ad for a “tibetian monk that spoke spanish”; no problem they must need an IT guy! I’d do anything for an interview.

I ran across this recruiter who said he had the “prefect job”.

I was salivating like a teenage boy in front of a Playboy rack. New resume. No problem. New cover letter. No problem. Questionnaire. No problem. No problem, no problem, no problem, no problem … no request was too extreme. I think if had said I needed to disrobe like the Naked Cowboy in Times Square … I’d have done it. When I landed (10 weeks later in a great job!), this fellow continued to call with new ever more outlandish requests. I was working at my new job for eight weeks when I finally stopped taking his calls.

In all that time, he never divulged the company. Nor did, I ever get an interview.

To this day, I STILL don’t understand it.

But thinking about the big bux, the tile, the prestige, the empire … … … oh the glory … I could have been a contender if I had just … done that one more even more outlandish challenge.

Now to a fellow who has 19 different resumes, (YES, I do think that I have that many UNIQUE value propositions that I can offer a Customer, Colleague, or Employer!), you would think that satisfying this recruiter’s needs would be easy. During my “after action evaluation”, I counted that I did 22 different resumes for him, filled out 2 different multi-page questionnaires, had innumerable phone calls about “the job”, and wrote three different autobiographies”. All that was missing was the proctology exam! I can’t even guess the number of “midnight oil” hours I wasted on this one “teacher”.

But, he was the Universe’s “teacher” that what I needed. I learned, in my self-imposed “Lessons Learned”, that:

(1) not every “job” is a job (i.e., How do I know that job you are alluding to exists?);

(2) everyone needs some “water tight doors” to prevent time from wasting away (i.e., ROI on hours invested; each recruiter gets ONE resume rewrite; limits; stops; drops);

(3) not every contact is equally likely to produce results (i.e., good hunters deliver interviews — that’s all they can do; bad “recruiters” can waste your time; not everything called ‘executive search” is looking for me!);

(4) everyone needs a grading scheme — like they have for eggs, steaks, and school children (i.e., Mine is Platinum, Gold, Silver, Bronze, and LEAD ANCHOR!); … and

(5) as much as you may want to return every phone call, answer every ad, or apply for every job, you have finite resources (i.e., apply more effort to that which works and less to that which don’t).

In all the time I have been networking, I have had EXACTLY four people, who could have, refuse to help me. I have a special place in my heart for them as well. But, as bad as I felt about those four, my special place in Hell is reserved for the only LEAD recruiter I have in my rolodex.

He’s there to remind me that some deals won’t close, some opportunities are illusions, and some dogs won’t hunt.

He taught me that my time is valuable and I can’t afford to let it be wasted.

Thanks for the change to rant about it some more. Like static electricity, discharge is good. For him, a 30-06 discharge would be perfect. But illegal. And, he did “teach” me a very important lesson. Time is … …

… … but what a job it could have been if I just had … … done one more

{BONG! BING! BOOM! Your time on this task has expired. Please move on. If you think that you have received this message in error, tell it to the Marines or some one who cares! This blog entry has been automatically terminated. The text created to this point has been posted. You can’t edit it so you might as well move on. The next time slot for this type of activity is in 23.75 hours. Please move along to the next item in the 2DO queue. Remember stay awake, keep moving, stay alive! Time is on our side.}

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