FUN: Entitled “Karen” Mistakes Customer For An Employee, He Makes The Situation Hilarious For Himself

Ever been mistaken for an employee? If you have, it’s fine, everyone has. If you haven’t, it’s okay—nobody likes to accept it. But there’s a safe space to talk about hard things and it’s a subreddit called r/IDontWorkHereLady . It turns out, people assuming you’re a staff member is a thing.

Source: Entitled “Karen” Mistakes Customer For An Employee, He Makes The Situation Hilarious For Himself

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Laugh!

—30—

Categories FUN

FUN: Horses’ Asses control almost everything.

History of Railroads
  
This may have been around before, so apologize if a rerun but thought it was both interesting and funny!

(FJR: It has but it’s timeless)


 
Railroad Tracks 

The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches.  That’s an exceedingly odd number.  

Why was that gauge used?  

Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatriates designed the U.S. Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?

Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.

Why did ‘they’ use that gauge then?

Because the people who built the tram ways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
 
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?

Well, if they tried to use any other  spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So, who built those old rutted roads?

Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads?

Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.

Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
 
Therefore, the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.
 
In other words, bureaucracies live forever.
 
So the next time you are handed a specification, procedure, or process, and wonder, ‘What horse’s ass came up with this?’, you may be exactly right.

Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses.

Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, you will notice that there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank.

These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs  The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.
 

 
The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit larger, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel.

The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses’ behinds.
 

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse’s ass.

And you thought being a horse’s ass wasn’t important!

Now you know, Horses’ Asses control almost everything.

Explains a whole lot of stuff, doesn’t it??!!  

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Credit to my “old” as opposed to my “older” and “oldest” friends.

—30—
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Categories FUN

FUN: ​”​Men with long ring fingers are less likely to die from the coronavirus: study​”​

https://nypost.com/2020/05/26/men-with-long-ring-ringers-are-less-likely-to-die-from-the-coronavirus-study/

​”​Men with long ring fingers are less likely to die from the coronavirus: study​”​

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​Nice to know if I get the WuFlu, it’ll be mild. 

Laugh!

Makes a much sense as anything else we’ve heard from the “experts”!​

—30—

FUN: A “trash panda” makes fools of Gooferment bureaucrats and their “raccoon proof” trash can

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5611463/Rascal-raccoon-figures-open-secure-bin-hilarious-footage.html

Trash panda strikes! Brazen bandit figures out how to open ‘raccoon proof’ trash can in seconds in hilarious footage

  • Toronto householder Graeme Boyce spotted the brazen daylight break-in
  • The animal forced its way in to the ‘raccoon-proof’ trash can in 30 seconds 
  • They were introduced in 2015, touted at the time as being totally critter proof
  • But the animal in the video dispelled that claim with consumate ease 

By Alastair Tancred For Mailonline

PUBLISHED: 05:32 EDT, 13 April 2018 | UPDATED: 08:41 EDT, 13 April 2018

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This is pretty funny. 30 seconds to dispose of the barrier?

Link when they mandated “bear proof trashcan” in North Jersey. The bears just threw the cans at the conveniently located garage doors; splitting the cans open and damaging the garage door. Then they proceeded down the street and doing it at every house. Nothing like having an annoyed hungry bear in the neighborhood.

When will people learn that wildlife will find a way to survive. And, we’d best not get in their way.

This video made me laff at the arrogance of humans.

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Categories FUN

FUN: Oscar nominated films I’ve seen

http://variety.com/2018/film/news/list-2018-oscar-nominations-1202668757/

Best Picture:

“Call Me by Your Name”
“Darkest Hour”
⑧ “Dunkirk” — enjoyable
“Get Out”
“Lady Bird”
③ “Phantom Thread” — waste of money
“The Post”
“The Shape of Water”
⑥ “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” — strange

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My rating scale:

①②③④⑤⑥⑦⑧⑨⑩

My comments

  • “Timeless”
  • “Enjoyable”
  • “OK”
  • “Strange”
  • “MEH”
  • “Waste of Money” 

And “Especially Objectionable” if it “offends” me.

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Categories FUN

FUN: Little kids think birthday parties actually make you get older

I agree!!!

 

Science Adorable munchkins fundamentally misunderstand how times passes. Children as old as four and five think that the actual purpose of a birthday party is to increase your age . It’s not a celebration—it’s a ritual.

Source: Little kids think birthday parties actually make you get older

Categories FUN

FUN: Stick pens — love them or leave them?

https://www.wired.com/story/the-bic-stops-here-in-praise-of-the-humble-stick-pen/

AUTHOR: ELIZABETH STINSON
07.16.1707:00 AM

THE BIC STOPS HERE: IN PRAISE OF THE HUMBLE STICK PEN

*** begin quote ***

Since then, very little about the pen has changed—not even the faded blue plastic casing. “When people see this pen, they know exactly what it is,” says Brad Dowdy of The Pen Addict. “That Paper Mate keeps making it is a testament to it being a good enough pen.” Good enough, it turns out, to sell 90 million of these pens last year. Most of them are bought in bulk by schools and businesses who think they’re getting something cheap and semi-reliable. What they don’t realize is that they’re actually getting a classic pen, for the price of a few pennies.

*** end quote ***

I like the line: “I love my stick pens, but I don’t exactly value them.”

TDBANK gives pens away so freely that I see them at competing banks. Something humorous about that!

If a competing bank uses TD pens, I wonder how good a bank they are. In the case of Wells Fargo, there is no doubt.

Guess where I bank?

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Categories FUN

FUN: Road rage

AN OLD ONE, BUT STILL FUNNY imho.

Busted!

A woman pulled up to a red light behind another car. The driver of the car in front of her was talking on his cell phone, and shuffling through some papers on the seat beside him.

The light turned green, but the man didn’t notice. The woman began pounding on her steering wheel and yelling at the man to move. The man still didn’t move.

The woman went ballistic inside her car, ranting and raving at the man, pounding on her steering wheel and dashboard.

The light turned yellow. The woman blew the car’s horn repeatedly, as she yelled and screamed curses at the man.

The man finally noticed the commotion. He looked up, saw the yellow light, and accelerated through the intersection just as the light turned red.

The woman was beside herself, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant she heard a tap on her window and looked into the face of a very serious looking policeman.

The policeman told her to shut off her engine and step out of the car. The red-faced woman obeyed, speechless at what was happening.

The policeman then arrested the woman and took her to the police station where she was booked and placed in a cell.

After a couple of hours the woman was escorted back to the booking desk where the original officer was waiting with her personal effects.

The policeman handed her the bag containing her things, and said, “I’m really sorry for this mistake. But you see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn and screaming and cursing. Then I noticed the *Choose Life* license plate holder, the *Follow Me to Sunday School* bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally I assumed that you had stolen the car. Have a blessed day!”

 

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Categories FUN

FUN: Actress Susan Dey is 64!!!!!!!!

2016-Dec-10

Today’s Birthdays: Former Agriculture Secretary Clayton Yeutter (YEYE’-tur) is 86. Actor Tommy Kirk is 75. Actress Fionnula Flanagan is 75. Pop singer Chad Stuart (Chad and Jeremy) is 75. Rhythm-and-blues singer Ralph Tavares is 75. Actress-singer Gloria Loring is 70. Pop-funk musician Walter “Clyde” Orange (The Commodores) is 70. Country singer Johnny Rodriguez is 65. Actress Susan Dey is 64. Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is 60. Jazz musician Paul Hardcastle is 59. Actor-director Kenneth Branagh (BRAH’-nah) is 56. Actress Nia Peeples is 55. TV chef Bobby Flay is 52. Rock singer-musician J Mascis is 51. Rock musician Scot (cq) Alexander (Dishwalla) is 45. Actress-comedian Arden Myrin is 43. Rock musician Meg White (The White Stripes) is 42. Actress Emmanuelle Chriqui is 41. Rapper Kuniva (D12) is 41. Actor Gavin Houston is 39. Violinist Sarah Chang is 36. Rock musician Noah Harmon (Airborne Toxic Event) is 35. Actor Patrick John Flueger is 33. Actress Raven-Symone is 31.

# – # – # – # – #  2016-Dec-10 @ 15:51  

Today’s Birthdays: Former Agriculture Secretary Clayton Yeutter (YEYE’-tur) is 86. Actor Tommy Kirk is 75. Actress Fionnula Flanagan is 75. Pop singer Chad Stuart (Chad and Jeremy) is 75. Rhythm-and-blues singer Ralph Tavares is 75. Actress-singer Gloria Loring is 70. Pop-funk musician Walter “Clyde” Orange (The Commodores) is 70. Country singer Johnny Rodriguez is 65. Actress Susan Dey is 64. Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is 60. Jazz musician Paul Hardcastle is 59. Actor-director Kenneth Branagh (BRAH’-nah) is 56. Actress Nia Peeples is 55. TV chef Bobby Flay is 52. Rock singer-musician J Mascis is 51. Rock musician Scot (cq) Alexander (Dishwalla) is 45. Actress-comedian Arden Myrin is 43. Rock musician Meg White (The White Stripes) is 42. Actress Emmanuelle Chriqui is 41. Rapper Kuniva (D12) is 41. Actor Gavin Houston is 39. Violinist Sarah Chang is 36. Rock musician Noah Harmon (Airborne Toxic Event) is 35. Actor Patrick John Flueger is 33. Actress Raven-Symone is 31.

Categories FUN

FUN: The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar … …

http://www.winkman.com/myspace/loneranger.html

 

*** begin quote ***

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking, when in walks a cowboy who yells, “Who’s white horse it that outside?”

The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, “It’s my horse. Why do you want to know?”

The cowboy looks at him and says, “Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don’t look too good.”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink.It is then he notices that there isn’t a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down.

Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey.

After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, “Who’s white horse is that outside?”

Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, “That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?”

“Nothing,” replies the cowboy, “I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running.”

*** end quote ***

Categories FUN

FUN: The Cubs “curse”?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3886500/Baseball-Indians-win-Series-title-rout-Cubs.html

Is the Cubs curse back? Famous fans watch as Chicago team falls 3-1 to the Indians in their historic battle to win the World Series

By REUTERS and ASSOCIATED PRESSPUBLISHED: 23:22 EST, 29 October 2016 | UPDATED: 01:15 EST, 30 October 2016

*** begin quote ***

The Cubs, appearing in the World Series for the first time in 71 years and looking for their first title since 1908, were on the brink of elimination after a lackluster display in their second successive loss before a hushed Wrigley Field crowd. 

*** end quote ***

Of course, the article never mentions the curse. How can we decide if it’s back if it’s not explained.

Does any rational being believe in “curses”? I thought the highpoint of this particular meme (i.e., a paradigm spread like a gene or virus from person to person) was Salem Witchcraft.

Last I looked the alchemists hadn’t change lead into gold. And heaven help us if they do.

As a fat old white guy injineer, I believe in facts and evidence.

No excuse me while I sprinkle some of that spilled salt over my left shoulder.

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Categories FUN

FUN: Sir Paul @ Metlife

2016-Aug-07

Mccartney

AFTER ACTION REPORT

Concert scheduled for 8PM. Traffic getting in SOOoo bad, I assume Sir Paul delayed until 8:30. (Lot of complaints about the traffic, patterns, and drop off points.

Made it at 8:15PM.

Great seats! (Anna Marie Henno is a great seat picker.)

They make you always go up 35+ rows instead of down 2 to the floor level concessions. Argh!

Traffic from shore disaster. 1015 traffic was late saying that 33 was closed. GSP, 9, and 34 were all mess. Argh.

And despite $11 beer and $10 wine, everyone was having a great time.

I think that Metlife stadium bureaucrats need to reexamine their traffic planning.

  • Taxis and limos had to drop in the K lot 15 minute walk from the stadium.
     
  • Buses were only a few step closer.
     
  • Tailgaters had the close in lots “occupied” with each taking several spots.
  • Seems like taking the train in is the best strategy with the least walking.

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Categories FUN

FUN: Cinco De Mayo

Ok, lately I’ve gotten e‐mails from people claiming that the Titanic was carrying mayonnaise (some say 12,000 jars, others give no quantity). Once the Titanic reached New York, it’s next supposed destination was Mexico. The e‐mail always ends with a corny Sinko de Mayo joke.

The only evidence I’ve found that this is a joke and not some coincidence embellished with a poor inter‐lingual pun is that mayonnaise was supposedly just invented in 1912.

Any help here?

Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England.

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

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Categories FUN

FUN: Boooo on the Princeton Review

New beef alert: Taylor Swift vs. the Princeton Review.

It seems the test preparation company misquoted Taylor Swift’s “Fifteen” in their materials for an SAT practice test. Even worse, they misquoted Swift and then criticized her allegedly bad grammar — despite the fact that they screwed up her words in the first place.

A page in the practice test quotes Swift as singing, “Somebody tells you they love you, you got to believe ’em.” The actual line is, “Somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them.” The actual lyric is not grammatically incorrect, unless you’re concerned about “gonna” vs. “going to,” in which case you may want to relocate to the Victorian Era.

A fan called Taylor’s attention to the Princeton Review’s gaffe, and Swift’s response on Tumblr was tough but fair: “Not the right lyrics at all pssshhhh. You had one job, test people. One job.”

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Testing 1, 2, 3 … … …

Us swifties are always on the alert for this national treasure.

#tswift13 #tswift

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Categories FUN

FUN: Some one liners

FROM BUGLE BLAST
Editor/Publisher/s Notes – Mike Berger
Vienna VA 22181
Volume 6 Number 6
Cell: 703-861-0726
Email: bugleblasts@gmail.com

*** begin quote ***

Humor – Lexophiles

A Lexophile is a person who loves words. Here are phrases 

– Police were called to a Day Care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

– You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

– Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.

– When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

– A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

– When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. 

– The batteries were given out free of charge.

– A dentist and a manicurist married and fought tooth and nail.

– A will is a dead giveaway. 

– With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

– A boiled egg is hard to beat.

– When you’ve seen one Shopping Center you’ve seen a Mall.

– Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was  cut off? He’s all right now.

– A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

– When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

– The person who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

– He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

– When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.

– Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

And finally 

– Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

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Categories FUN

FUN: TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT

FROM AN EMAIL FROM LUDDITE

TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT

#10. I vote Democrat
because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.

#9. I vote Democrat
because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn’t.

#8. I vote Democrat
because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

#7. I vote Democrat
because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

#6. I vote Democrat
because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that gets police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

#5. I vote Democrat
because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

#4. I vote Democrat
because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I
believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even
and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.

#2. I vote Democrat
because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

… And, the #1 reason I vote Democrat is
because I think it’s better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here in America. We don’t care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries.

 

“The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits”… Albert Einstein

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I have no info on the accuracy or attribution of the supposed Einstein quote. The other 10 points seem spot on to me.

Not that I have any great love for the R’s who are merely in most cases just Democratic lite.

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Categories FUN

FUN: Screw is a funny word

http://gizmodo.com/why-screws-tighten-clockwise-1639456879

*** begin quote ***

Screw is a funny word.

Since at least 1725 it has meant to copulate, and since 1900 it has meant to cheat or defraud.

“To screw up” dates from 1942, while not having your head screwed on right has been an expression since at least 1821.

The screwdriver cocktail traces its roots to 1956, and the screwball as a pitch to 1866, while as a person to 1933.

*** end quote ***

Laughing!

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Categories FUN

FUN: Proof of death

Once again, I’m asked for Our Girl’s certificate.

I guess I am becoming immune to it.

It’s I guess my own fault because I didn’t insist on folks to ack their change of registration. 

Poor POA, she gets to clean up all this nonsense.

A fellow alum passed yesterday so I am feeling the “cold breath”!

# – # – # – # – #  2014-Sep-24 @ 19:33  

Categories FUN

FUN: S370HSSV

The French Leader got a coded message from Bush Administration.

It read: S370HSSV‐0773H

The French were stumped and sent for the French Information Agency. The FIA was stumped too, so it went to the Russians.

The Russians couldn’t solve it either, so they asked the Germans.

The Germans, having received this same message during WWII from the Americans, suggested turning it upside down …

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I’ve added this to my profanity list.

As #2 behind <an anal opening surrounded by a sphincter> and near “ass” <synonym for donkey>!

Laughing!

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Categories FUN

FUN: The Republican, the Libertarian, and the Democrat enter a restaurant

Three guys walk into a restaurant …..

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked,”Is that Jesus sitting over there?”
The waitress nodded “yes!” So, the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus, over there?” The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, “My treat.”

The third patron, to come into the restaurant, was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there honey! How’s about getting me a cold mug of Miller Light!” He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, “Isn’t that God’s boy over there?” The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. “On my bill,” he said loudly so everyone in the restaurant could hear.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up and began to praise the Lord.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, he raised his hands and he, too, began to praise the Lord.

Then, Jesus walked, with a huge smile on his face, towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, “Don’t touch me……. I’m on disability.”

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Categories FUN