FUN: White House Fence

White House Fence

Three contractors bid to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky and the third is from New Orleans. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”

“The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.



FUN: Strange video?

Worthing is undergoing inter-dimensional difficulties: Delightful Video

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There are some strange dudes and dudettes putting stuff on the net. You have to wonder if they are escapees from the rubber room with too much time on their hands. Or, in this case “howda they do that”?

Credit: Forum

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WRITING: Unlimited Demand (An Index Card Novel)

Unlimited Demand (An Index Card Novel)

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“What did you do before the Shumer Hit The Fan, Uncle?”

The fat old white guy was old. Very old by the standards of the day. When the S did HTF, (Who cares which particular S it was. We all know that one of them will.), many people died.

“Well, Bobbie Jo, I was a sheeple like most folks. But maybe a little sharper than your average sheeple.” He laughed. “I read the various survivalist sites. I knew I was NOT John Rambo, or wealthy like Howard Hughes. And, what was the one thing that every survivalist writer or story teller harped on?”

“What Unlce? Tell us!”

“Toilet Paper!”


“Yup, I studied how I’d make TP after the S hit the F.”

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In the Seventies, Johnny Carson made a joke about the United States facing an acute shortage of toilet paper. This prompts viewers to run out to stores and begin hoarding.

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The fat old old white guy explained:

It was after a home construction project that created a lot of sawdust that I had the idea. I had a discarded blender. And a dream, of a profession after the S hit the F! I put the sawdust into a blender. A dash of hand lotion and a little water. Puree. Pour over a screen. Spread like butter. Roll it with a dowel as thick or as thin as you like. Cover screen with a towel. Cover with a board. Put something heavy on it. (I drove my car on it.) Stack your sheets after they’ve dried completely.

It was really just taking that experience and adjusting it to post SHTF scenario. I used a chipper to make mulch. Then, an old hamburger “drill” to make “sawdust”. Hydralic jack to squeeze it. Sunshine to dry it.

My prototype could push out a computer box of TP every sunny day. On bad days, I focused on making work in process up to the drying. On good days, I focued on drying.

Since I had that part of my act together, when the S did hit the F, I was the TP king.

And that children is how I became fabulously wealthy after the S hit the F.

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NJ: Justice? Nah, revenue!

July 7, 2009 at 15:28:40
Three Rules for Living through the Second Depression
by Chaz Valenza

*** begin quote ***

If you haven’t already noticed, the police are out in force and quick to pull the ticket book trigger. Here in New Jersey, though the civil and criminal courts were subject to cost-cutting furlough days, no such thing happened in the money making municipal courts. Basically, now is not the time to get caught being late with payments or cheating on taxes, nor the moment to get on any bureaucrat’s building code violations clipboard. As the tax & budget shortfalls grow, expect to be hunted down for the most insignificant violation of any law, code or tax regulation.

*** end quote ***

Traffic stops have always been, imho, about revenue!

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TECHNOLOGY: My book “CHURCH 10●19●62” gets put on Amazon automagically


A few interesting points:

  1. The name gets screwed up; the dots don’t translate.
  2. There is an out of print entry created.
  3. The Amazon mark up; why not just buy it from Lulu?
  4. There’s no vanity URL; finding it is a chore.

If you are interested in buying it, save yourself the 30% markup going to Amazon and go buy it directly from Lulu.

Easiest way to get to the book on Amazon is by searching for “church 10?19?62”.

Cheapest way to get the book is on Lulu directly:

p.s., On Lulu, the download version is only a few dollars. Unless you need a big bug killer, I’d go for the download.

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WRITING: Book is done!

UPDATE 1/11 later 1/12 early: According to the Lulu site, my order should ship as early as 1/12 (tomorrow/today) or as late as 1/16 (Friday). Coming by FedEx Ground Delivery. (Lingering question, are Lulu books printed offshore and that’s why it takes so long?)

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Well, it’s finished. Cooked. Booked. I’ve Lulu-ed it.

Now I’m waiting for my proof copy.

It’s sad. Four decades late, I’m done.

Luddite helped with the proofing. CJ gave me a better punch. Frau gave me good input to the cover design.

But, it’s done.

All that I have to do is wait for Lulu to send me my proof.

710 pages.

Just under a half a million words.

A little less than a year.

So many lessons learned.

(1) You have to be organized.

(2) Keep one copy as the master. All changes get made there.

(3) Need versioning.

(4) There’s no good software for a big wp project.

Note: Office corrupted the doc after about 6 months. Despite creating new files. Master and sub-docs was a horror show.

Note: Apple’s PAGES sucked at big docs.

Note: Google docs choked at the size.

Note: Luggable’s WINDOZE Office locked up one night and lost three hours of my best prose.


(5) It’s always takes longer and is harder than you expect.

(6) A GANTT chart with realistic estimates would have helped.

(7) Schedules weren’t met.

(8) Illness, job loss, laziness, and stupidity all caused delays.

(9) When blogging fan fiction, have the project DONE before posting the first segment.

(10) Was it fun?

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FUN: Training?


*** begin quote ***

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other.

He says to the waiter: ‘Want coffee.’

The waiter says, ‘Sure, Chief. Coming right up.’

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, Turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, Causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere And then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling Another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to The waiter ‘Want coffee.’

The waiter says ‘Whoa, Tonto! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?’

The Indian smiles and proudly says …

‘Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, Leave mess for others to clean up, Disappear for rest of day.’

FUN: Ig Nobel Prizes

Ig Nobel Prizes – Humorous Alternative To Scandinavia’s Nobel Prizes

*** begin quote ***

There was even more agitation over the chemistry prize, awarded jointly to rival teams – one from the United States which determined Coca-Cola to be an effective spermicide and one from Taiwan which proved it is not.

*** and ***

Handing out awards was William Lipscomb, the genuine 1976 Nobel laureate for chemistry, also doubling on Thursday, at the age of 89, as the hero in the “Win-a-Date-With-a-Nobel-Laureate Contest”.

*** end quote ***

The ability to laugh at ourselves is probably our crowning ability.

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