Sigh. So long ago, when I knew it all, yet knew nothing, I did have one good idea. Having watched my Mom and Dad literally torture themselves over bad decisions, I decided that each year at New Year’s, I would grant myself amnesty for all things — decisions, choices, purchases, sales, whatever — done in the prior year. No regrets. Not to forget the “lessons learned”, but to move forward as if life was a “new problem”.

So speaking ex cathedra from my belly button, I hereby declare all the mistakes of the prior year no longer “mistakes”, but “experiences”.

So, with my tin foil hat firmly adhered to my thinning hair, and grasping my keyboard as my sword, firmly clad in the righteousness of my intentions, I extend my grant of immunity and amnesty to all my fellow human beings and certain annoying animals. I forgive, but don’t forget all those things better left unsaid (because I really don’t remember them), and hope you will do the same for me.

My motto has become: “Don’t attribute to evil what can be better explained by stupidity.”

And quoting that great American Yoda — “Do or do not… there is no try.” (To do it justice, you must say the word try with all the revulsion and disgust you can put on it. Like you were talking about a rapist, a child murderer, or a politician!) — Yoda (Fictional character from George Lucas’s “Star Wars” movie)

I wish you all a “HNY” and will do better in the New Year.

Medically speaking, I forgive all the medical personnel who I have said bad things about. And, I hope for a much better year in 2011. I hope the Universe recognizes the <synonym for excrement> sandwich it presented to me this year and can have a better menu of choices in the coming year.

“My love, were it in my power, I would sadly grant thee this boon. But, we have to continue to follow His Plan for us. Let’s go forth and speak no more of this. Who ever is last will be last. It will be His choice; not ours. We’re but humble custodians of His temple on earth. It’s not our place to trump His plan. Whatever that plan be, know that I will be with you to my last breath.” — character “John” in CHURCH 10●19●62 Volume 2 Page 399

Remember the sources of my education: I’m just a fat old white guy injineer with: Law “degree” from watching Judge Judy; Medical “degree” from watching Doctor Phil; Building “degree” from watching “Holmes on Homes”; Investing “degree” from reading about Bernie Made-off; and creating caring human relationships from studying the movie roles of Gunny Ronald Lee Ermey!

Good luck. Good hunting. Good night. And, may God Bless America.

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1341509/Million-Dollar-Drop-couple-lost-800-000-correct-answer-second-chance.html

Couple who lost $800,000 on Million Dollar Drop with correct answer will get a second chance after Fox admits mistake
By DAILY MAIL REPORTER
Last updated at 12:43 AM on 26th December 2010

*** begin quote ***

On Monday, Gabe Okoye and Brittany Mayt lost $800,000 on the Fox game show Million Dollar Drop.

When asked which was sold first and offered the options Macintosh computer, Sony Walkman or Post-it notes, the couple – mostly driven by Mr Okoye – decided on Post-Its.

To their horror, they were told it was the wrong answer – but it later turned out that it was the game show that was in error.

After their plight became the subject of an Internet uproar – and a minor public relations disaster for Fox – the network has decided that it will give the couple a second chance.

*** end quote ***

I bet there are a lot of MBA students, who will know that. Post-It Notes are always used as an example of a “laboratory failure” (i.e., adhesive that doesn’t adhere well) being made into a successful product. “How not to make a lightbulb” isn’t necessarily bad.

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Scenario: Four contestants, who we will call A, B, C, and D, have to guess the price of an item without going over.

Problem: What are the optimum strategies for each player?

<Think, think, … still thinking!>

Contestant A should just try to hit the price minus a dollar.

Contestant B ?

Contestant C?

Contestant D should always bids either one dollar if everyone’s over bid or one dollar over the highest bid.

Your thoughts?

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http://laughingsquid.com/underclothes-that-display-the-4th-amendment-when-x-rayed-by-tsa/

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http://www.wired.com/playbook/2010/11/periodic-table-baseball/

Periodic Table Gets a Hall of Fame Makeover
(Sent from Flipboard)

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No idea too dumb?

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http://www.impactlab.net/2010/11/18/top-10-photos-of-the-week-154/

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This was a hoot!

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http://howto.wired.com/wiki/Win_a_Coin_Toss

Win a Coin Toss – Wired How-To Wiki
(Sent from Flipboard)

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No more coin flips. Digital watch second for odds or even?

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LUDDITE says: “A must have in every home in America !”

*** begin quote ***

For everyone who would rather not have a gun in the house!

In view of the recent Supreme Court ruling, sales of this new product may skyrocket.

The dummies in Washington think they are going to take away our guns, so check this out.  I like it!

They’d NEVER think of NAIL GUNS!

They’re concentrating on doing away with the BULLET-TYPE of ammunition! HAH!  I think I’m going to buy some NAIL GUNS and NAILS,
and, we don’t even have to REGISTER them or have LICENSES for them!

HA!  HOW STUPID ARE THEY?

In addition, you don’t have to worry about them being CONCEALED!

Once in awhile something so totally cool comes out that even a guy who doesn’t normally even know what he would like for Father’s Day or Christmas would immediately ask for it:

Thank you, DeWalt!!!

New Nail Gun, made by DeWALT

It can drive a 16-D nail through a 2×4 at 200 yards.
This makes construction a breeze; you can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence.
Just get your wife to hold the fence boards in place while you sit back,

relax and when she has the board in the right place, just fire away.
With the hundred round magazines, you can build the fence with a minimum of reloading.  After a day of fence building with the new DeWalt Rapid fire nail gun, the wife will not ask you to build or fix anything else, probably, ever again.

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http://www.thegreenhead.com/2010/10/worlds-largest-gummy-worm.php

*** begin quote ***

All you need to know about the cool new World’s Largest Gummy Worm is that this completely disturbing edible ribbed invertebrate measures in at a massive 26″ long with a 5″ girth, weighs 3 pounds, has 4000 calories, is equivalent to approximately 128 regular gummy worms or 840 regular gummy bears, serves up to 34 people and even has a creepy smiley face.

*** end quote ***

This disgusting thing just seemed seasonally appropriate?

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http://xkcd.com/808/

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_economic_argument.png

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_economic_argument.png

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http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/profile.php?id=100000557776629

*** begin quote ***

SS: Brady sucks- J E T S Jets Jets Jets!! Sorry I have to disown you now- it’s been nice knowing you for the past 20 years. Your family is still welcome in my home, unless of course they too like Brady.

ZF: Scott prefers overrated teams. You’ll have to excuse him. He’s from Jersey and just doesn’t know any better.

*** end quote ***

MP4B = “Millionaires Playing For Billionaires”

And we should care, why? Don’t get me wrong I’ll watch. But I also stare at traffic accidents, train wrecks, my legal mentor Judge Judy, and can be disgusted by Jerry Springer as the tv gets surfed thru channels.

But to quote the pre-eminent Social Philosopher of our day, Ms. Betty White, watching the NFL with any sense of attachment, concern about the outcome, amusement at the childish antics, or even empathy for the players, is “a colossal <synonym for the act of procreation> waste of time”!

Amusement from a day of working in the mines, distraction form life’s vicissitudes, or even a dalliance on a whimsy … fine.

Just remember that these bozos, who can’t even act human, are making more money that you’ll EVER make, to entertain the mob. (That’s you and, at times, me.) At least, Vana White has the class and the wisdom to acknowledge that she was lucky to get the easiest job in the world and feels an obligation to do “charities” when they ask.   

So, now when anyone “talks sports”, you’ll silently think “MP4B”. But don’t say anything. Lest you be thought of as a crotchety fat old white guy injineer who can take the fun out of anything.

“Son, we live in a world that has walls, … …. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall.” Colonel Jessep in A Few Good Men played by Jack Nicholson

On the “wall” protecting you from self-delusion and the Gooferment in my tin foil hat and with my “urban yute discouragement devices”.

Sigh, it’s gonna be a long day with little respite.

p.s., You should thank your lucky stars for new jersey; look at all the corrupt politicians we absorb. Next to chicago, we’re probably number 2 in that. But we’re trying harder. If we didn’t absorb them, they might infect the Bible Belt. Argh! I gotta get to NH for the Third American Revolution.

p.p.s, In case you were wondering, the Second was the War of Norther Aggression.

:-)

Facebook too is a …!

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Triage

Once upon an ER dreary, while I pondered the weak and the wearying,
Over many medical folk, in their forgotten verse, yelling,
While I watched my loved one suffer and wait patiently for some healing.

The noise became a deafening discordant dissonance jarring,
I heard a cacophony of urgently demanding machines a beeping,
But my pen, to a happier place, was me a-taking,
Where no one is sick, hurting, or for a bed pan waiting.

And, in this place, I sit in quiet contemplating,
That everyone is perfect, vibrant, and sitting
in quiet enjoyment of the sun shine setting,
all together, at peace, healthy, in my happy place.

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Monday August 30, 2010 10:05 PM EDT

CAR BURNS UP WHEN CIGARETTE THROW GOES WRONG

South Brunswick Police received a 911 call reporting a car fire on Bard Drive North at 11am Monday morning. Officers arrived to find a 1998 Honda Civic fully engulfed in flames. The driver, a 19 year old female from Rocky Hill said she had been smoking a cigarette a few minutes before the fire happened. She thought she threw the cigarette out the window but realized she may have missed when the car caught fire. After throwing the cigarette she continued to drive until she felt heat on her back and the vehicle began to fill wiith smoke. This is when she pulled over and got out of the vehicle.

The vehicle was completely destroyed. There were no injuries. The Monmouth Junction Fire Department responded to the scene and extinguished the vehicle.

For full details, go to https://local.nixle.com/alert/3314907/?sub_id=241886.

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No word on the hair color of the young woman.

No word if Daddy was going to buy her a new “safer” car.

No word if she graduated Gooferment Skrule.

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FROM MY HOSPITAL NOTES

About 1AM, the night nurse WOKE Our Girl <<the patient>> up to tell her that “they needed her ADVANCED DIRECTIVE. BEFORE they could do the procedure today.”

(<Expletive Deleted> are you <synonym for excrement output> me! How many copies have I given RWJUHNB over the past 5 years and you can’t find ANY of them.)

So, now, Our Girl is upset. Is this procedure more dangerous due to the low platelets? Why are they asking for it now? Has the leukemia gotten worse? And what am I supposed to do at 1AM in the morning? Should I wake up the PA <<meaning me, the spouse>> who probably just went to sleep? Argh!

(Actually I was still awake.)

SOoo at 5:50AM, she calls PA. I’m dead out, but I hear the phone. Now, I start think: “Oh <excrement> what’s gone wrong now!” I answer the phone but she’s hung up. I’m looking at the caller id to see who called. Then, my cell phone starts to ring in its charging station in the “office” bedroom. So I stub my big toe running to catch it.

(THink of your favorite Marx Brother’s movie)

It’s Our Girl, who’s royally <synonym for urine output> off and relates the whole tale.

Now, I’m starting to worry. Why now, what’s changed since last night at 9pm. Is this just bureaucratic stupidity? No going back to sleep now.

(My toe still <Expletive Deleted> hurts.)

When I was on the phone, I couldn’t remember where the <Expletive Deleted> the papers were. I know that the originals are safely in the safe. But those are legal size and I don’t have a legal size copier. I know that they are on the website in a password protected directory but I haven’t used it in years. I should have a copy in the “medical records” bag but I haven’t looked for it in a year.

So, now I’m cranked.

Yeah, the form’s copies were where they were supposed to be in the bag in the patient’s room all the time.

Keep reading. It gets better!

I arrive around 730AM with the forms, (and coffee). (I’m going to need a LOT of coffee to stay awake today.) Our Girl says “don’t give them; make them ask”.

The morning proceeds, she goes for the test, and the routine rambles on.

Yup, you guessed it. NO ONE EVER ASKED!

Wait it gets better yet.

The “nurse manager” for the floor comes around two days later “conducting a patient satisfaction survey”. By now, Our Girl has had two days to stew and brew. Now, she RARELY complains or asks for anything in the hospital. She feels genuinely upset to be imposing on the hospital workers. BUTT (there’s always a big but) this is an exception. She vents it all out. Chapter and verse. And this manager says: “Oh, X is pregnant and has ‘baby brain’.”

Talk about volcanic eruption! Pour some case on the smoldering camp fire why don’t you? It was almost out and you have now mad eit ten times worse. Our Girl ended with: “Then she should be working in a file room somewhere; not tending to patients.” Nurse Manager shrugs her shoulder, thanks Our Girl for her input, and departs.

Our Girl is STILL <synonym for urine output> off and has it stuck in her craw!

And, I’m still amazed at the stupidity of all involved, the poorly designed processes, and the technology failure to capture and prevent.

Argh!

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http://unclutterer.com/2010/08/12/go-big-or-go-home

Go big or go home?

*** begin quote ***

Most children, if asked to draw the house they’ll live in as an adult, will sketch a home resembling a bloated Graceland or Cinderella’s castle. A rare child might draw something akin to Skylab, but rarely will you see a home that is an apartment or small cottage. Kids dream big, and they almost always want yards, trees, and all the amenities of a suburban mansion.

*** end quote ***

Maybe we should all draw where we will be in a decade?

ROFL!

A plot?

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http://oldfortyfives.com/thoseoldwesterns.htm

One look at this film clip and you’ll be young and old all over again. It is “brand new” even listing 2010.

BUT WAIT — THERE’S MORE!!!! Ever wonder just who all those minor characters were who populated western after western with few lines and a familiar face.

Well, the clip has pictures and names — so after 50 or so years — say “Howdy” to some of those general store, saloon keeper, blacksmith mini-heroes from your youth.

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Sigh, those were the simple days of illusion.

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http://www.irishcentral.com/roots/Irelands-strangest-place-names-99827479.html

*** begin quote ***

Hospital, Co. Limerick – acquired its name from the Knights Hospitaller, a Christian organization in the time of the Crusades. Ironically, the town doesn’t have any medical facilities.

*** end quote ***

Speechless!

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“Apparently the best way to stop a shark attack is to poke them in the eye. It’s very comforting to know the difference between life and death is a move perfected by The Three Stooges.” — Craig Ferguson

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On 7/29 I beat the old lady 10,750 to 9,930 points.

On the spinner, I scores 2 threes, 3 fours, 2 fives, 1 fifteen, 2 twenty fives, and 2 fifties.

Have to add that to my probability data sheet. Trying to develop a probability table.

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On a side note, went to Keansburg, the poor man’s seaside heights, played a poker machine that paid on any pair. Beat her as well, but didn’t keep score, or track the machine. Probably won’t be there for another decade. Now that the Old Heidelberg has closed. Guess the old gent, who always worked the grill, died. He was old when we first went there. Must have owned it. SIgh, change is never for the good.

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http://www.keywestlou.com/2010/07/its-9-oclock-in-morning-i-just-got-up.html

>government doesn’t need to tell us how to save

Sounds like you have a spark of a “little L libertarian” in you?

Hmmm, how best to fan it?

Pointing out that the Gooferment steals from the poor to give to the rich (i.e., reverse robin hood)?

Reminding you that genocide can’t be done without the Gooferment power?

Demonstrating that “drunken sailors” only spend their own money, unlike the bozos in Congress?

Maybe pointing out that Goldman Sachs has already found a loophole and is avoiding the new “finanical reform” bill?

Nope! It has to be that the Gooferment has no role in marriage. It’s perhaps at best a matter for society to work out through the peaceful associations like Churches, fraternal organizations, or even biker bars. Gooferment’s involvement in marriage comes from the racist southern politicians and now is justified by “benefits”. Get the Gooferment out of the “benefits” business and it can exit stage left and leave the people in peace.

Yup, that HAS to be the “winning argument”.

MYOB should have been the national motto. And, especially, the Gooferment should stick to its two Constitutional roles: protecting the people form force or fraud.

Shall I send you a membership application?

LOL, there ain’t no little L libertarian “club”. Libertarians are like kittens! Hard to find two that agree on anything. But, in general, every one of them recognizes the right of the people to be left alone and figure it out for themselves.

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