Now I’m not much of a holy roller.

First Amendment!

Probably a testimony to the basic tension between my English Anglican Protestant maternal Grandmother and my Irish Catholic maternal Grandfather. Due to a divorce, I spent a lot of time under the watchful eye of said maternal Grandmother and my spinster Aunt.

So you can imagine the fun when I went to my First Day at Catholic grammar school, Annunciation, and the good Nun says something like “It’s now time to learn the Our Father.” (What were these kids doing for their whole lives? They couldn’t read, speak in cogent sentences, nor carry on a conversation about anything significant!) So little, fat future old white guy injineer, Johnny chimes up and says: (quotes because so I am told by my Mom who was for the first of many times called to the Principal’s office to discuss little Johnny Reinke’s behavior) “Sister, respectfully, I know that, Is there something I can substitute?”

Needless to say the Good Nun, Sister Euphemia, was stunned and said something to the effect of “let’s see what you got sonny”.

So, as taught, I respectfully riffed out the Lord’s prayer with reverence, resect, and in a fine loud voice. And ended with … “For THINE is the power and GLORY forever and ever. AMEN!”.

And the good Nun went into cardiac arrest.

And, of course, I was on the first of many many trips to the Principal’s Office.

Reading wasn’t much better. Given the First Grade Reader, we were told to “familiarize” ourselves with the concept of a book. (Are you kidding me?) “Sister, I’m done. Do you have something better? A novel. Even the Bible is better than this.” Off to the Principal. (Another quote courtesy of the Principal to my Mother. I’, sure my beloved maternal Grandmother did this to put the Papists in their place.)

Yeah, you get the picture.

Finally, I was assigned to the convent to read the Daily News and the Daily Mirror to the old Nuns. They got a kick out of it. Eyes failing, they were “retired”. (What stupid concept. These were some sharp ladies.) So they got to contribute to the school by keeping this “annoying boy” out of everyone’s hair during “religion” and “reading”.

(The Principal’s specific directions were nothing racy and NO sports. One Nun followed the ponies and another was a Hollywood Star struck. My first education in selective order following.)

Any way, one of the prayers I learned at the hands of the Women’s Justice League (i.e., Maternal Grandmother, Spinster Aunt, and two other Aunts brought in as relief watchers. Every time I screwed up one of them would be looking over my shoulder.) was “A Child’s Bedtime Prayer” (i.e., “Now I lay me down to sleep …” ending with an ever lengthening litany of people to pray for).

My question is: Shouldn’t there be a “child awakening prayer”? For example, “Now I rise to wake, the Lord’s Day, I’ll take, one foot forward for Courage, the other for Bravery, … …”!

Seems like the world is out of balance?

Only took me 65 years to realize it.

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