RANT: Email option isn’t an option

–Original Message–Date; 2/24/2012 2;33;22 PMSubject; When will I get my first pension check?I turned 65 on 1/13/12. It’s says retire 2/1/12/.So where is the check?fjohnp.s., the secondary authentication questions are an invitation to identity theft.

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Pretty straight forward. I hate having phone sex with automated agents. Especially when a human (somewhere in the world) answers the phone and asks me my name.

So this is what I get back. Not so quickly. (I’m thinking auto-responder to clear away old email.)

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To FERDINAND J REINKE JRFrom Credit Suisse Benefits Service CenterDate 02-24-2012 12:00 a.m. Central Standard TimeSubject Re; When will I get my first pension check?Our Response Hello from Your Benefits Resources [TM].

Ferdinand,
Please call the Credit Suisse Benefits Service Center and request to speak with a pension representative. Benefits Service Center Representatives are available by calling 1-888-325-2732 between 9;00 a.m. to 5;00 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday through Friday excluding holidays.
Thank you for using Your Benefits Resources.

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So why bother with email.

So, I call. Nothing I love better than phone sex.

Six minutes of Q&A and holding.

“Name”!

ARRRRrrrrrgggghhhhhh!

Then the lady wants my computer password.

Argh!

And, she’s upset when it’s a 24 character random string.

(What stupidity is this? Why should I share my shared secret with another human being? I’d have never permitted it when I was their VP Info Sec.)

Lots of checking.

I’m getting a double check in March.

BUT, (and there is always a BIG butt), no apology or explanation of why.

SO who gets the interest for that month. You screw every retiree and I bet it adds up.

Argh!

If I had time, I’d get a Gooferment bureaucrat involved.

Argh!

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