Reinke Faces Life

Our Girl was always great with my family. Sometimes I though that they loved her more and I was the tolerated in-law. She always went out of her way to accommodate them; even when it was clearly unreasonable. Mowing Grandma’s lawn even though it meant she had to drive the slow riding lawn mower around the block once a week in the hot sun with the dog on a leash for Grandpa. “Meals on wheels” for my Mom. And, doing all the things that needed to be done that needed a woman’s touch. All without complaining.

One reason that Grandma and Grandpa loved her was that, as sound as she realized they were both deaf as stones, she “spoke” to them at the top of her lungs. She used her “basketball court voice” that she developed coaching. When she called a play, teams in the next county were trying to run it. She’d often come home horse and I’d have a headache. But they loved her visits.

So, we’re on one of our road trips in New England. Our Girl pipes up, as were coming down 95, “Let’s swing up Route 7 and visit your Aunt Marion.” Huh? I barely knew that she knew that I had an Aunt. Guess my look said it all. “Grandma was worried so I told her we’d check on her. And, I called Aunt Marion and said we might be by.” Guess it slipped her mind to mention it to me, or maybe she didn’t want to deal with my reaction. It really wasn’t that big a deal. Turn left at Route 7 and three hours or so of more driving, and we’re at Aunt’s house.

We visit. Now Aunt Marion and Grandma were sisters that look alike, dress alike, and sound alike. Our Girl carries on a conversation with Aunt about all sorts of things. With her “coach voice”. Eventually Aunt goes to the WC. I say sotto voce “Ev, it’s Aunt Marion, not Grandma. Aunt’s hearing is perfect.” She looked like she’d kissed a frog, or a fat old white guy injineer.

Aunt comes back and Ev apologizes profusely. Aunt generously says: “That’s fine child. I knew what you were doing. When I talk to Sister, I have a sore throat after. She’s really vain about the hearing aids Micky bought her.” Ev was red. But by the end of the trip, she was laughing about it. We had to go directly to Grandma’s, despite the hour, so Ev could report in. I suggested we do it the next morning because it was so late. Our Girl vetoed that with her trademark scowl. So we went.

She was right! Grandma was sitting up alone in the middle of the night waiting for Our Girl’s report. They sat and chatted and Ev gave her all the details. We got home when the Sun was coming up.

Maybe that’s why I love her? She was a kind soul that would go out of her way to reassure a pair of Sisters to whom she had no real obligation to. And, she even tolerated me going along. Not that I had a choice. It was always her way. And, that way usually turned out to be right in so many ways.

She made the world a better place and me a better person. And, I miss her more each day.   

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MEMORIES: Went down the shore, but …

… It’s just not the same.

On the way down, I didn’t listen to the political shows. Like you tolerated. When you were having those bad days, I put the oldies. I know you were back going to the shore with your gal pals many decades ago. I didn’t want to disturb the happy illusion. Even when you sang the ”Bayonne” lyrics to Petula Clark’s Downtown. That’s how I knew where and when you were.

It was your kind of day. Cold. Street breeze. Tiny waves, sorry.

Parked by the house. Test the size of the posters. Yeah, you’d be suitably embarrassed. They are large. I’ll need H’s help to put them up correctly. Have to behind the faux frame. They should last eons. Much to your chagrin.

Some tourists taking their pics in front of the Jersey Shore house. What rubes! To worship at a shrine to what?

Left the car by the house, walked to Casino Pier, for the exercise, played poker. In those dumb machines.

I was going to have fries if I lost. And lunch if you won. Just like we always did. Cheapest beer if I had to pay. Top shelf if it was on you. … All to hear you pseudo whine “sure when I’m buying, nothing but the best”. Ahh the games we used to play.

But the casino pier manageress broke the spell and asked where you were, looking around for you. What could I do but tell her?

I just finished and left. Unable to complete the mission.

But Jimbo’s was still closed for the season. Any way.

So I went to Klee’s but it’s just not the same.

Maybe it just too soon?

Can’t even think of a good “Church” quote to cover it!

Argh!

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Song lyric when I was driving down: “And what am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you.”

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John,

I just wanted to offer you my deepest sympathies and condolences at this time. I’ve not seen this sooner otherwise I would have replied earlier.

I’ll always have very fond memories and even though we only met and knew each other for a short time, I will certainly always remember the way she welcomed me into her home and life.

With sympathy,
Matt

# – # – # – # – # 2011-Mar-26 @ 07:58

In going thru her jewelry box, I found “my” id bracelet. Boy did that bring back memories.

Remember I was in college when we met, the “meat grinder” in Viet Nam was in full operation. All college students were automatically granted a student deferment. So I was given that deferment when I entered Manhattan College.

As a result of arm twisting by both our mothers, she “decided” that she wanted to wait to marry until I graduated. I wasn’t overjoyed at that, but it was 3 against 1. And these were all “pig headed” Irish women. You might convince one; three, never!

I graduated in 1968.

But, since MC offered, I took advanced electronics courses which extended my deferment until June, 1969. Minutes after my fifth year (automatic) deferment extension expired, I was drafted. Based on the “meat grinder”, I wanted to wait to marry until we understood what my military obligation would be. It wouldn’t be fair to her to make her a young widow. She had girl friends, who had that happen to them, and they were destroyed. If something happened to me, it would be bad. (Especially bad from my point of view.) If we were married, it would be far harder. Maybe even with children? I had options in the military — get drafted into the Army (And off to the Republic of.), Naval Aviator (Yeah, with my eyesight, they’d give me a plane? Over Viet Nam!), and USAF with no promises at all (But a lot less percentage involvement in the “meat grinder”?).

We talked about it. I volunteered for the USAF and took my chances. They gave me a report date of 2/1/70. Hey, six months of partying! And, I could continue to work at AT&T to pay for it.

Long story short, she wasn’t happy about waiting. I egotistically thought that she thought I was being a reluctant groom having second thoughts. Even after I reassured her that she had me “hooked”, she was still on edge. She really understood why I wanted to wait but never shared her fears. Maybe I was stupid, but I really hadn’t thought about it at all. I thought it would be a good six months; what did I know. She was zoned on the news reports from “Republic of”. I didn’t know it then, but I did later that she was imagining the worst. And the long six months took a terrible toll on her.

We’d already been saving for the wedding and starting a new life. So, during this six month extension, “we decided” to accelerate that savings. She “would help me” manage “our” money. (And I had no prenup.) Each payday, all my overtime and a good chunk of my pay went into the “wedding” passbook savings account at Pramapo Bank. Every Friday, she’d take her paycheck and also make a deposit. (I was never privy to that bit of “high finance”. And, would tease her mercilessly about it. But, she never let me see the bank book. For fear I’d want to spend some?) The six months just flew. Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, we just lived. The uncertainty was never discussed.

Finally it was January 31st, I was bunking over on her Mom’s couch. We spent that night just holding on. Neither of us slept much. As the dawn broke, I got ready to leave. I was taking the PATH to the Subway to the Brooklyn Induction Center on Jay Street. Had to report at 10AM. We had adopted “Leaving on a Jet Plane” as our song and had agreed that my first leave after finding that I wasn’t going to “Republic of” we’d wed. As I was ready to go, she gave me a present.

I opened it and it was the afore mentioned ID bracelet.

She made me promise to wear it so that she would know for sure. She didn’t have say sure of what, but that was obvious as the MIA counts went up daily. I knew that I couldn’t wear it on duty, but I humored her. She spent very little money on it. It was obviously very cheap. She told me she did that deliberately so that it wouldn’t be stolen by a body robber. That was grim. We were grim. She left me at the landing. She wasn’t crying. My allergies were acting up when I hit the street for my cab up to Journal Square.

Fast forward.

After basic training, I got the word that I was going to be assigned to Maryland for Language School for a year, then some schools, and then assigned to USAFSS in Laurel MD. I called her collect; she was ecstatic. (Would not be so happy when she got the phone bill!)

I hit language school 01 October and they gave us the schedule. It stated we were on mandatory leave at Christmas time. Another collect call and she went crazy. Not about the future phone bill, but the time interval. I told her we could wait until I got another leave in June. She wasn’t hearing that and pulled together a great wedding in record time.

The rest was history. Since it’s purpose was past, I returned the ID Bracelet to her when I outprocessed from USAF in December 1973. (Maryland was never invaded while I was on duty.) She was happy to take it back. I hadn’t seen that bracelet until the other day when I was cleaning out the jewelry box.

I’ll carry that from now on.

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Dear John-

Thank you so much for sharing this great picture. I’ve forwarded it on to my fashionable siblings. I guess I wasn’t old enough to make the cut for the picture.

I have so many wonderful memories of Ev. I used to love when she would take me for rides in her Covair – boy, did I think I was cool then! Taking me for Italian ice, or a burger and a shake on a Saturday afternoon – I so looked forward to spending time with her. Although I was probably her pesky little cousin, I think Ev actually enjoyed my company and took me places voluntarily – unlike my sister who was forced to take me everywhere she went. Joyce must have loved Ev spending time with me too – it meant she didn’t have to! Joyce told me Ev taught her how to drive and also took her to take her driving test. She was like a big sister to both of us. And like everyone else on 8th Street, Joyce, Jeff and I all learned how to shoot hoops from Cousin Ev. Driving home from her funeral, I remembered something about Ev that I had forgotten all about – When I was a Girl Scout at St. Mary’s, one of the other GS troops was going to Palisades Park. MY troop was not going and I was heartbroken. Two weeks later, guess who took me to Palisades Park?? I think she even brought Patty Ann along for the trip – and maybe you were there too? I have to admit, I was none too pleased when you came on the scene thinking she wouldn’t have time for me anymore, but of course, that was not the case! Not only did she continue to make time for me but fulfilled the dream of every young girl and had me as a “Junior Bridesmaid” in your wedding! I tell you, if I thought I was cool riding in her Covair, THAT just topped it all!!

I hope you are coping okay. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it must be. She was such a special person and she just touched so many people with her kindness and love. You are in my prayers and I hope you are able to find some comfort in all the great memories you have of her.

If you come across any more of these priceless photos, please share them with me.

Thanks John – Will keep in touch.

Love,
XXX

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Ahh, the Corvair! No one probably knows that back in the Eighties when we were flush, I offered to buy her a “fun car” like her old Corvair. She wisely said no, “You can NEVER go back to what you were.” Wise woman.

She loved to be around people. So you probably gave her as much joy as you received.

Your going to Palisades Park story doesn’t surprise me. She wanted every child to be happy. No, I wasn’t on the scene yet. Maybe her old boyfriend. She was a “catch” and I know she could have her pick of the litter. And, I know of at least two suitors were unhappy when he took herself “off the market”.

I’d didn’t see any rejection by any of her family. Once I past the “Peg” test, and she was assured of my honorable intentions, she even gave everyone the word that “I was Ev’s choice”. She was the “energizer bunny” and made time for everyone. It wasn’t until she got sick did she have to recognize her limitations. I’m glad you enjoyed the wedding. She put together her “dream wedding”.

Coping? If feels funny not to have medical people to supervise while cajoling her into going along with the “fun”. She did make an impression on one fat young white guy injineer. Two dates and I was “hooked”. Took me a while to sell her on the idea. Even Peg was worried that we were so different. Guess it worked out.

Thanks for the prayers and kind words. I’ll send you invites to the other pictures. I’m scanning and putting up as I can. It’s a sad chore.

You’re most welcome. I’m happy to “share” her with you again.

Donna Nobis Pacem

# – # – # – # – # 2011-Mar-23 @ 20:11