What does it feel like to have your spouse die?
by Betsy Megas, widow.
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Only in the last 48 hours did Scott’s spirit begin to fade. He slept, mostly, but he knew he was going. In one of his last lucid moments, he spoke candidly with me and a social worker who had come to visit. He did not feel he knew how to die, he said. I told him I didn’t think he needed to know how, that it was probably a lot like being born. It just happens naturally. And I’m pretty sure I told him I loved him, at least one last time. I don’t know that he had come to grips with it
He died around midnight, just a couple days after his 33rd birthday and three years, almost to the day, after his diagnosis. In all, we were together 15 years. I have very few regrets about the time I spent with Scott.
I don’t think I will ever forget what he looked like when he died. His head leaned to one side, his neck lacking the strength to support it. He turned pale, then blue, and it was a quiet death. That was the moment he ceased to be the person I had known. Still, it’s hard for me to recall that part, to bring it into my mind enough to write about it.
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Our Girl just stopped breathing.
I was just sitting, hopeless, helpless, waiting. Unable to switch places.
Glad that she was finally released form this vale of tears.
I kissed her again. And, hoped that it was like in the movie “Ghost” where the deceased is drawn towards a beautiful light.
Sadly, I understand how hard it was to write this.
I’m pretty sure that I’ll never wed again. We too had the conversation. I think I always won with “how could someone compare to you?” and I was sure she’d find someone better. How many soul mates can one person find in their life. I found mine.
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