Reinke Faces Life

Yes, youngsters, a long long time ago gasoline came in “grades”.

The well groomed English speaking attendant would dial the grade you wanted to purchase. Could even advise you by reading — gasp — a chart to tell you what grade was best for your particular engine.

Yes, kiddies, cars still have engines in them.

And, the attendant would clean your windshield while waiting for your gas to stop pumping.

Then, he’d cheerful take your money and give you: your receipt, your plaid or green trading stamps, a free glass, and heart-felt thank you.

Yes, I know it’s not like that now! But it once was.

<Cue Robert Goulet singing Camelot: “there once was such a place”>

Sigh!

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http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/archbishop-fulton-sheen-returns-to-silver-screen-in-new-documentary/

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The hour-long documentary, entitled, “Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen: Servant of All,” offers both entertainment and a powerful message of evangelization as it follows the life of the famous archbishop (1895-1979). The video includes the testimonies of dozens of individuals who were touched by the life of the archbishop. It also shows footage from his popular television program, “Life is Worth Living.”

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Everyone has their own story about meeting or interacting with a famous person. That was the rationale for the “Farley file” of Ike’s campaign as highlighted in the Heinlein story Double Star.

Sigh, those were the days. My younger years.

My “Bishop Sheen” story was that of an obnoxious fat little Good Shepherd grammar school kid focused, as usual, on an absurd little goal.

We were given “boosters” to sell for the “Propagation of the Faith”. Long story short, I happened to be outside the old Polo Grounds in the early evening one Saturday before the Good Bishop was to speak and say Mass for a mod of folks. What better place to find suckers … err I mean the faithful willing to give a wee lad a contribution for Holy Mother Church. So I am peddling my “boosters” to anyone who looks like they have few bucks. Up pulls a limo. Hey hot target I think. So I zip over and get ready to do my spiel. We were give a stock script. But I embellished the close. SO this fellow gets out with two young guys. Black coats all. Buttoned up. That should have been a clue; it wasn’t that cold. But I was into my pitch. “Yada, yada, yada.” And, into my close: “And, of course, I’m going to pray specifically and by name for each person that buys a Propagation of the Faith booster from me. Care to spend a dollar for the Pope?” To which this guy breaks out into a belly laugh. “Certainly, I’ll take five.” He turns to one the young guys with his hand out and a five comes from somewhere. He takes my cardboard booster and writes on it. Rips off his half and says: “Can you do me a favor and fill out the rest?” “Of course, I’m a full service fund raiser.” He asks: “And, why are you doing this? Do you want the Church to suceed?” “Not particularly. That’s good. But I want to get out of homework for a month if I win.” He laughed and said: “That’s a good goal. And, I’ll pray you reach all your goals.” At that point, he patted me on my head and rushed off. I looked at the the stub and it was signed “F. J. Sheen Servant of God”. No one at school believed it, but I had the evidence.

Like stupid kid, I turned the stub in. I should have kept it! Dumb, dumb, dumb.

And, btw, I won. But the Brothers reneged on the “prize”. No Federal Courts for little plantiffs who got screwed. I not only got homework form then on, but I got several punish lessons for the tirade I went on.

Any wonder, why I have no sense of security or confidence when ANY authority figure tells me ANYTHING. Remember Judge Judy!

Argh!

And, you wonder why I hated school?

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http://www.impactlab.com/2010/07/23/shitterton-villagers-buy-theft-proof-sign/

July 23rd, 2010 at 5:18 am
Shitterton Villagers Buy ‘Theft-Proof’ Sign
Shitterton strikes back

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A village sign has been stolen so many times that residents have clubbed together to buy a stone version cemented in to the ground. Households in Shitterton, near Bere Regis, Dorset contributed £20 each to the new sign after repeatedly falling victim to pranksters. Volunteers then arranged a truck and crane to manoeuvre the stone into place…

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Guess I’ll have to ask my favorite Brit. Must have lost something in translation coming over the pond. I don’t get the joke. Do you? Please explain it to a fat old white guy injineer. Use little words.

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FROM LUDDITE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q51hVC0Lgwg

Very funny.

Some inventor somewhere should be working on a force field that would protect the innocent from a homicide bomber.

One has to wonder how a whole religion, let alone one single individual, can be distorted into killing.

But the video was stunning in its honesty.

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http://www.myjokemail.com/jokes/lexophiles-lovers-of-words/

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Lexophiles (Lovers of Words)

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

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I’ll have to create a new section on the blog for these pithy bits of wisdom.

I never heard some of these.

Zen-like

They all key off a double play on the words.

I can’t imagine how one would go about building one. Are they just discovered?

run — diarrhea / law versus diktat / table to be able place to eat versus some thing one looks up a value / medicine med a sin medium sin me dicin e

argh!

Not as easy as it looks and it looks hard!

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Shel Silverstein poem,Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda:

   All the woulda-coulda-shouldas
   Layin’ in the sun,
   Talkin’ ‘bout the things
   They woulda-coulda-shouldas done …
   But those woulda-coulda-shouldas
   All ran away and hid
   From one little did.

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The chain guard is either poorly installed, defective, or been mistreated. It rubbed the read tire. So I, like the fat old white guy injineer I am, bent it back into shape. When riding (Yes I did ride it.) it made a repetitive metal on metal sound. So, I took it back to the shop where I found it needed a little more bending. (Pretty sad that I could bend it with my bear hands. I remember when you needed “tools” to work on metal or bikes. Argh!)

Took a few pedals up and down the block

(OK, four to be exact!)

The seat needs lowering. And, I need to work on it. Argh!

When did fat, old, and out of shape catch up with me?

Argh!

It’s going to be a long rest of my life.

Argh squared!

It’s not hot here on the porch, but I’m hot and sweaty from just that little bit of effort.

I better get a helet for when I fall off this thing and break my skull.

My brain is OBVIOUSLY all I have going for me.

Argh cubed!

You can all stop snickering now. And go read my book. (I have “John” riding a bike effortlessly there. In my imagination!)

It’s all the equipment’s fault!

It’s all effortless long-distance high-speed pedaling … … in my dream world!

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http://www.impactlab.com/2010/06/06/top-10-photos-of-the-week-131/

“Happily ever after? Not so much”

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I found this would be better titled: “Be careful what you wish for; you may get it!”

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Does anyone really believe that Derek Jeter drives a Ford Edge — with or without the retractable roof, or Sirius?

Argh!

Come on, guys, advertising has to be at least believable!

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FROM MY BORGATA FILE

Went for salads for lunch.

Amusing incident happened.

F said he’d buy the beer. He got hot stuff from the Japanese grill. We all got salads. (Ain’t I being dietetic? You’ll see when I am but a wisp of a boy. A figment of my former self.)

The guy at the Japanese grill told him that “no one sold beer in the food court”.

So F naturally believed him and bought what M calls “a fountain drink”.

A big one.

(Nice profit for the Japanese grill. Wonder if they have sales incentives for the shift? You’ll see why I ask that.)

Being a know-it-all, I went to the Philly Steak Sandwich place to confirm. Sure they still sold it.

Back at the table, F was annoyed. We razzed him about not wanting to pay for the beer.

I translated the “Japanese” for him: “I don’t sell beer and I don’t care what you want!”.

Everyone laughed.

ROFL!

ROFL?

OK, I guess you had to be there.

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Note the Hopalong Cassidy jacket. My favorite.

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I speechless at what she kept. I didn’t know she eve had this one. Even as a “slick sleeve” I was a real “winner”! Argh!!

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My father, who everyone called “Ferdie”, my paternal grandmother Marie, me, and an unknown person.

Going through my Mom’s old pictures. Too bad people don’t write the names, date, and place. Start now to memorialize your history.

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http://networkedblogs.com/3alvf

Are you a Nerd or a Geek?

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Dweeb! I think. I’ll have to ask Luddite.

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FROM LUDDITE (Blame him; not me)

*** begin quote ***

Subject: FW: MALE VS. FEMALE AT ATM MACHINE

-MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE <http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/enjoythemasti&gt;

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

‘Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.’

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MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt..

6. Put window up.

7.. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth!

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up..

6. Attempt to insert card into machine…

7.. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8.. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt…

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside..

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24.. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone..

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.   

27. Release Parking Brake.

SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH, <http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/enjoythemasti&gt;

AND TO THE LADIES who can handle it…. they need a laugh, too!

Remember this! A lady sent it to me.

She was laughing, too.

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Email complaints to Luddite (two d’s and one t) at reinke dot cc

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FROM LUDDITE (He gets the funniest spam):

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the: