FUN: Precise Mathematics

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

LUDDITE supplies some more (sort of adult) humor!

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I always did like math! ROFL

*** begin quote *** 

Subject: Precise Mathematics – BRILLIANT!

Mathematics:

This comes from 2 maths teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. Experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint..
it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they
are giving more than 100%? We have all been
to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that whileHard work and Knowledge will get you close, andAttitudewill get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

Now you know why some people are where they are!

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FUN: Car video teaches me a serious lesson!

Monday, January 14, 2013

http://www.geekosystem.com/sinkhole-eats-car/

Om Nom Nom: Watch As This Sinkhole Completely Devours A Car [Video]
via Geekosystem by Ian Chant on 1/11/13

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Certainly a lesson to anyone who drives into a water covered road. Also, makes the case for carrying a metal cable and rachet. That fellow probably could have saved his car with such equipment. If not save, delay the inevitable while he got his stuff out. Make one think that while this was slow, it could have been much faster; with more disasterous consequences.

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FUN: Birthday wishes from my new “friends” at Social Security; probably want to kill me as cheaply as possible!

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Dear FERDINAND J REINKE,

Happy Birthday from Medicare! We wish you well in the upcoming year and want to remind you of the preventive services Medicare offers to help you stay healthy.

Our records show that you have not taken advantage of some of the preventive services which are available to you now or in the future and listed in the table below.

Month/Year Preventive Service Name and Due Date
January PROSTATE(01/12) PSA(01/12) COLORECTAL(01/12) PPV(01/12) PHYSICAL(01/12) CARDIOVASCULAR(01/12) DIABETES(01/12) ABDOMINAL AORTIC ANEURYSM(01/12) ANNUAL WELLNESS VISIT(01/13) CARDIOVASCULAR DISEASE (BEHAVIORAL THERAPY)(01/12) DEPRESSION SCREENING(01/12) OBESITY COUNSELING(01/12) HIGH INTENSITY BEHAVIORAL COUNSELING(01/12)
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December

To see more details of the services you are eligible for, visit www.MyMedicare.gov and select “Preventive Services” under the “My Health” tab. Or, talk to your doctor for more information.

Remember, Medicare is your partner in health.

Sincerely,
Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services.

Please do not reply to this email, as we are not able to respond to messages sent to this address.

This e-mail was sent by Centers of Medicare and Medicaid Services based upon the request in your MyMedicare.gov profile. To stop receiving e-mails,please unsubscribe from our mailing list by signing in to www.mymedicare.gov and clicking on the “My Account” link in the banner.

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FUN: Taylor Swift is #1 in something that really counts

Thursday, December 27, 2012

‘Celebs gone good’: Taylor Swift named most charitable celebrity of 2012 after $4M donation

By DAILY MAIL REPORTER

PUBLISHED: 22:57 EST, 25 December 2012 | UPDATED: 23:32 EST, 25 December 2012

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2253258/Taylor-Swift-named-charitable-celebrity-2012.html#ixzz2GBg4y6td

–30–

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FUN: “What you’ve never seen a hypocrite before?”

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

“What you’ve never seen a hypocrite before?”
— ‘The Big Bang Theory’ Character Leonard
    played by Johnny Galecki in
    ‘The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis’ 12/15/2008

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FUN: Ebenezer is my “hero”!

Monday, December 24, 2012

http://lewrockwell.com/shaffer/shaffer93.html

The Case for Ebenezer

by Butler Shaffer

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Taking my client as the miserable fellow Dickens has presented him, let me be the first to admit that if Ebenezer’s obsession with materialistic pursuits rendered him an unhappy person, and were it the purposes of his detractors to help extricate him from his self-imposed miseries and to restore him to that state of happiness and innocence so common to most of us in our childhood years, no one would be happier than I. But it is not my client’s happiness that the prosecution endeavors to obtain, but his money. The case against Ebenezer Scrooge is nothing more than a well-orchestrated, vicious conspiracy to extort from my client as much of his money as can be acquired through terror, threats of his death, and other appeals to fear. The only happiness that ensued to my client from this campaign arose from the ultimate cessation of terror inflicted upon him. Like the victim of any crime, the termination of wrongdoing offers a momentary relief that can be mistaken for pleasure, but it is an illusion. Such is the only happiness that Mr. Dickens has in mind for my client.

Make no mistake about it: my client has been the victim of a cruel criminal conspiracy to extort his money, as well as of such torts as intentional infliction of emotional distress, libel and slander, trespass, assault, malicious prosecution, battery, nuisance, and false imprisonment. To that end, my client may elect to bring his own suit, but for now let us focus upon his defense to this action. As we do so, pay particular attention to the uttercontradiction underlying Dickens’ case: my client is charged with being a greedy, money-hungry scoundrel, and yet it is the conspirators against him who want nothing more thanhis money! Scrooge – unlike his antagonists – earned his money in the marketplace by satisfying the demands of customers and clients who continue to do business with him, and did not, as far as we are told, resort to terror or threats of death to get it. Perhaps Dickens does no more, here, than engage in psychological projection. In doing so, he reminds us of the definition of a “selfish” person as “one who puts his greedy interests ahead of mine!”

*** end quote ***

And, a “bahhh humbug” to all!

–30–

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FUN: Why do girls …

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Out while being a dirty old man, a very young lady came and sat next to me. Maybe 12-14 years old. Before she sat down, she pulled up her jeans. No belt. Obviously, the pants sag as she walk. Not a hefty enough figure to hold them up. (Hey, it’s physics!)

So what’s wrong with wearing a belt or suspenders?

Just asking.

I never see Taylor Swift pull at her trou or dress. (She has people for that!)

Sigh!

Too old and too practical.

Gals, that tug and wiggle ain’t kool,

— 30 —

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FUN: Scored a triple today!

Friday, October 26, 2012

Happy to report I completed a “triple” today. That’s SIX more bags to add. I’ll update my scoreboard over the weekend!

No shaving until Monday!

–30–

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FUN: Taylor Swift’s RED Keds

Thursday, October 25, 2012

http://store.taylorswift.com/Taylor-Swift-RED-Keds/dp/B009SDUIES

… but they don’t come in 10 and a half triple e’s?

What’s an old swiftie to do?

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FUN: Maxine’s bird feeder

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Now Luddite’s wife is spamming me with these inet memes. This one hit the mark. Pretty funny. (I have high standards for my blog. Has to have that “me facing life quality”. I chuckled and thought: “How many hearts and minds can I influence?”

“Bravo Zulu” to Luddite’s wife.

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 Leave it to Maxine to come up with a solution
For the mess that America is now in economically.



2012 10 13 maxine


I bought a bird feeder. I hung It on my back porch and filled
It with seed. What a beauty of A bird feeder it was, as I filled it,
Lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds
Taking advantage of the
Continuous flow of free and
Easily accessible food.

But then the birds started
Building nests in the boards
Of the patio, above the table,
And next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was
Everywhere: on the patio tile,
The chairs, the table ..
Everywhere!

Then some of the birds
Turned mean. They would
Dive bomb me and try to
Peck me even though I had
Fed them out of my own
Pocket.

And others birds were
Boisterous and loud. They
Sat on the feeder and
Squawked and screamed at
All hours of the day and night
And demanded that I fill it
When it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn’t even
Sit on my own back porch
Anymore. So I took down the
Bird feeder and in three days
The birds were gone. I cleaned
Up their mess and took down
The many nests they had built
All over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like
It used to be ….. Quiet, serene….
And no one demanding their
Rights to a free meal.

Now let’s see.
Our government gives out
Free food, subsidized housing,
Free medical care and free
Education, and allows anyone
Born here to be an automatic
Citizen.

Then the illegal’s came by the
Tens of thousands. Suddenly
Our taxes went up to pay for
Free services; small apartments
Are housing 5 families; you
Have to wait 6 hours to be seen
By an emergency room doctor;
Your child’s second grade class is
Behind other schools because
Over half the class doesn’t speak
English.

Corn Flakes now come in a
Bilingual box; I have to
‘press one ‘ to hear my bank
Talk to me in English, and
People waving flags other
Than ‘Old Glory’ are
Squawking and screaming
In the streets, demanding
More rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe
it’s time for the government
To take down the bird feeder.

If you agree, pass it on; if not,
Just continue cleaning up the poop
and still paying for it all with no return benefits..

   



—
IN GOD WE TRUST

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Many a true word is said in a joke. I thought this was funny and “actionable”.

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