RANT: On Faithful

Monday, January 30, 2012

http://artofmanliness.com/2012/01/28/manvotional-be-faithful

Manvotional: Be Faithful
by Brett & Kate McKay on January 28, 2012

From Courage, 1894
By Charles Wagner

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Nothing is so difficult as to remain faithful. At each step of the way outside influences are brought to bear upon us to make us deviate or retrograde. And if there were only difficulties from without, it would not matter so much; but there are those from within. Our dispositions vacillate. We promise one thing with the best intentions in the world; but when the time comes to keep it, everything is changed–the circumstances, men, ourselves; and what duty demands of us seems so different from what we had foreseen, that we hesitate. Those who will fulfill on a rainy day a promise which they have made on a sunny one, are few and far between.

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Like to think I have that quality. Evidence? A forty year marriage.

I’ve seen men desert their posts.

In school. In the military. In politics. In marriages. In jobs. In their own personal life.

No sense going though the litany.

My own Dad deserted my Mom and me.

Now, “Shoulda, coulda, and woulda!” thinking would put me wondering what might have been. I could have been normal.

But, that’s water under and lost milk.

Maybe that’s what stuck in my brain. Making me the slug I am.

“So every hand to his rope or gun. Quick is the word and sharp is the action. …” — Captain Jack Aubrey in “Master and Commander”

That’s what being a man is all about.

And, despite what the TV commercials tell us (i.e., men are stupid clueless idiots), we are still needed for the survival of the species and the rearing of children.

Argh!

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MEMORIES: “But, I want you to be happy.”

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-intimacy-of-loss-being-together-in-this-fleeting-moment/

The Intimacy of Loss: Being Together in this Fleeting Moment tranquility.
by Stephen Schettini

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“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” ~Kenji Miyazawa

I love my wife, so it stung the other day when she said, “Hmm … You’re going to have trouble letting me go, aren’t you?”

She’s not walking out on me. You see, she has multiple sclerosis (MS), and she’s referring to the day she can’t walk any more. She’s convinced herself that she can’t handle the guilt of ruining my life, and expects me to leave when she says so.

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On more than one occasion, Frau Reinke broached the same thing. But, even then, I said: “How could I … ” followed by some wise crack. “But, I want you to be happy.”

I knew then and I know know … just ain’t gonna happen.

SO make the best of it, while I wait for the eventual reunion.

“My love, were it in my power, I would sadly grant thee this boon. But, we have to continue to follow His Plan for us. Let’s go forth and speak no more of this. Who ever is last will be last. It will be His choice; not ours. We’re but humble custodians of His temple on earth. It’s not our place to trump His plan. Whatever that plan be, know that I will be with you to my last breath.” — character “John” in CHURCH 10●19●62 Volume 2 Page 399

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I ask her what she means by letting her go. She looks me coolly in the eye and says, “I mean, when I can’t function any more, of course. I want you to move on.”
What the hell am I supposed to say to that? What would you say?

I almost blubber, but that’s no way to be there for her—or is it? I tell her she can’t possibly know what awaits her. She raises an eyebrow. She knows all right.

I recognize the moment of indecision. I pause, breathe, and return to the present.

Funny, after eight years as a Buddhist monk with the finest Tibetan teachers and forty years of practice, I sometimes feel I should have a leg up on life’s sufferings. To be floored by a moment like this disables all I learned—the meditative techniques, the philosophy, the calm sense of stability.

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I’ve have had the practice of the teaching so I guess it’s OK for a grown man to cry?

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