Reinke Faces Life

Argh cubed.

Today was a tough day for many reasons.

It was the second of four “specific Masses” for Frau Reinke. As discussed earlier, I went. But in doing so, it makes it even more real that she’s passed. And, the whole death wake funeral ordeal is repeated. Saddens me to no end.

Like that song says. … Whatever. No sense making myself sadder.

*** an aside about the day’s beginning ***

The day started off on a “funny” note. (Funny ha-ha). I arrived early so as not to be late. And, went in to the Church in search of a bathroom. Some how I got sucked into — after the WC — never pass a WC after age 60 — morning prayers. Don’t ask me how. The nice but pushy senior citizens handed me a book and two of them went over the various flipping back and forth. The one fellow keep coming over and “helping” me to get on the right page. Made me feel like the village idiot. All with the best of intentions.

(Reminded me of my Manhattan Prep days. I always got to school early to do my homework from the day before. The Brothers would always seem to find me and insist that I join them in morning prayers. Argh! I had work to do. And, even then, I was not the praying type. I just really wanted to be left alone. In my own little world. Even then an ITSJ.)

So I can see how an IPAD app would really help these folks out. No more flipping around the pages. And, when placed on a suitable speaker set, they could have music to accompany their hymns. Wonder if their is an app for that? Maybe that’s a window of opportunity for me?

*** resuming the monologue ***

But when the Priest announces the names for who the Mass is being offered, that’s why I am there to hear that, it’s the toughest.

Despite being supported there by my Mom’s last sister — that support again reminds me of the trifecta of death in a relatively short time — so I’m not sure that’s so good — I managed to weep my way through a tough hour. But that’s what a warrior does, what’s required, without personal concerns.

After that was a pretty fun bfast / lunch — although I didn’t have much of an appetite, entertained by a pair of 90 years old “love birds”. That’s how old age is supposed to be for a “married couple”.

Joining us for lunch was a new baby and my favorite young Jasper freshman. That was also entertaining and mood lifting.

Babies are always fun. And, it was amusing to see that baby recognize a stranger’s voice and give that stranger (me) the “evil eye”. At that point, I was sitting between him and Mom. Clearly distressing him a little. He tolerated me holding him while Mom got toys and chow, but soon he was tired of that and only Mom would satisfy him. It was funny.

Nice to see a 90½ great-grandmother totally absorbed in her great-grandson. How often do you see four generations in action?

Young Jasper freshman was also funny. The angst of yutes. Covered some of the same topics of conversation as the last time. Pushed the progress marker a little. Tried to get a domain name out of her, but angst got in the way. Repeated my formula “success for your generation” mantra, but I’m not sure it’s believed. After all, it’s a message of “hard work”, “no easy answers”, and “courage”. It’s amusing to me that I had a very similar conversation with my “older” friend’s wife about the very same topics — how to I web my art — but in her case, I did get her to select a domain name. But, could get her to do more than that. Guess I have to update by lack of “sales skills”. If I’m so smart, I should be able to wrestle these fine woman into doing more sooner. Oh well, I guess in time it will get done.

It was also amusing to hear that babies’ Mom was having her fair share of teen age problems with her older two. Driving, antics —- “crime” and its punishments. We quickly bonded over the fact that it could be much worse. Of course, I was shocked —- as in “I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!” Captain Renault in Casablanca — that there are such problems. After all, in her youth, she was much worse. But I left that issue unsaid, no sense giving the children any wiggle room in their journey toward adulthood. We’ll just leave to that “children are the grandparent’s revenge”. But it was most amusing.

Eventually baby tired out and with entertainment leaving, it was time for me to go.

Bummed out afternoon. Really couldn’t get into anything. Even thought there is always plenty to do.

It was on to dinner. At someone’s insistence. I knew I was in that “dark place”. But, I didn’t want to deprive the poor undernourished children of their doughnuts.

Of course, the evening started off on the wrong foot. When I walked in, the little guy ran over and with a big smile asked: “Where’s Auntie Ev?”. Like to have taken my breath away. His slightly older brother echoed that. (I wish I could forget that ugly fact as easy as they have.) I mumbled something like: “It’s OK. Remember she passed and isn’t coming anymore. You’re stuck with me.” The older guy said: “Oh year, she died.” And, went back to his computer game. The younger guy just went back to playing with some sticks. Their Dad and I just looked at each other silently. (I’d be upset if I was them to lose the “fun” one and be stuck with “grumpy”.)

Argh!

I knew today was going to be a tough sucky day.

Amusing also.

The middle guy just wanted to peek int he doughnut box. Dad said “no”. To head off a battle of wills, I challenged the young man to use his “x-ray” vision to see what doughnuts were in the box. This a lad, who always imagines himself as a superhero, plaintively exclaimed that he didn’t have x-ray vision. But he did kinda know which were in the box and eventually he moved on to other fun activities like torturing his brother and sister, getting reminded that he had to charge his Wii controllers since Daddy was out of that business, and eventually getting a trip to the woodshed for whatever. Note to self: “when in hole, stop digging” is a vital life’s lesson for children.

Later, Daddy did some memory testing with the kids. Funny that (a) they couldn’t focus or remember or report on “doughnuts left” and “doughnuts consumed”. (Hmmm, an interesting demo of not paying attention.) (b) And wagered each of them a fin about “he being able to eat a doughnut without touching the box”. It was funny. Maddie opened the box to check and closed it quick before he could grab one. She remembered the last time he pulled it. And she laughed deeply over foiling him. Of course, Mom zinged Dad — as only life mates can — observing that all he had to do was to have patience and wait until Maddie got her doughnut out and then grab it off her plate. He admitted he hadn’t thought of that. (I, of course, thought that was interesting, it’s always the paradigm and our memes. Dad was so fixated on the joke’s meme and was so locked into the paradigm, he could NOT shift the paradigm in a new and innovative way. That was interesting and amusing to me. Wonder how many times that’s happened to me and I too never realized that the solution was just a twist away. Sigh!)

As bedtime approached, I inquired if the clothes were addressable. (Another sad chore that’s been “forgotten” many times. I understand why. It’s another sad reminder. But she insisted on doing it. She wanted some of the things. Probably to hold on a little longer.) We’re almost done. I’ll wait a week or two. Two more bags and some odds and ends and it too will be done.

So, I hugged all the kids. (Parents insisted. I’d have left them all in their place of peace watching the tube. Mesmerized and quiet. But not getting into trouble.) I was amused that they asked no questions about the clothes. Did Mom shush them as Dad and I were unloading the car?

So I went home to House.

Yeah, the season finale. Weird one.

I knew this was going to be a sucky day.

But the Universe was not finished with me yet. After House, I heard this beeping. Annoying. So, I go to discover what it was.

The kitchen stove is beeping continuously. And displaying “F1”. Annoying as hell. And no way to silence it.

A web search says the stove needs a $400 repair.

Tomorrow, I look for a new stove.

Life sucks.

And, today was a interesting example of that principle.

Oh well two down and two to go.

I didn’t get any “chores” done.

Sigh.

Who knows.

Tomorrow HAS to be a better day.

# – # – # – # – # 2011-May-23 @ 22:15

Hold the date: 01 July 2011

A blood drive is going to be held in New Brunswick NJ on what would have been Frau Reinke’s 64th birthday. Details will follow.

My niece-out-of-law — not actually any relation according to Pepuls Republik of Nu Jerzee — Gooferment — what does “it” know — thought that this would be a great way to memorialize her. I agree, and was touched by the thoughtfulness.

In the last year of her life, “the medical system” poured over a 100 pints of blood and 50 pints of platelets into her trying to buy time so they could figure out what was wrong. They ran out of time and ideas. But never blood. It’s only on House or one of the other medical dramas, that the gallant iconic but grumpy doctor single handedly figures out the problem patient in time to dramatically save their lives just before the final commercial. We just ran out of time. It was never “figured out”.

While I was a gallon guy in MC, and gave frequently after that, my modest “bleedings” fall way short of what was given to her by complete strangers. It is a great karmic debt that I feel. This will go part of the way to pay that forward for someone else.

If you can’t get to New Brunswick that day, I’d appreciate a donation where ever you can. If you can’t donate due to age or health, twist someone else’s arm.

It truly was, for Frau Reinke, “the gift of life”.

I was touched by how they always had enough. I’d like to make sure that some else has the same chance.

Fourth of July and the summer means increased need and lower donations, so this is a “perfect date”.

And, she would have been embarrassed by all the fuss about her. IMHO she was, and is, worth it.

Donna Nobis Pacem

Thanks,
fjohn

p.s., details to follow

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