FROM EMAIL WITH A FELLOW TURKEY
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Spent a few minutes on this tonight, tell me what you think. Be brutal, I can handle it.
“I am an information technology leader who delivers high quality business solutions to support the growth and cost effectiveness of a company’s objectives. Providing experience in application development, staff retention, and strategic technology direction are only a subset of the skills I add to an organization”
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“I am” NOT my job. I don’t like that type of self talk.
“an information technology leader” I get the image of the drum major strutting from the parade. You do work for a living.
“delivers” good word
“high quality business solutions” Yeah, so what. Who says. What about “results”? “Solutions” solve but do the make money?
“to support” a yada word.
“the growth and cost effectiveness of a company’s objectives”. “barbara streisand” Are you growing objectives? Are the “company’s objectives” “cost effective”? No, it’s confused imho.
“Providing experience in” So you’re old! And, anyone can see you’re old, listen to old stories, and you serve as an object lesson not to grow old. What does it DO for the listener?
“application development, staff retention” Lipstick on the pig? Maybe if you said RAPID APP DEV, or JOINT APP DEV, or even USER FOCUSED APP DEV, I might care.
“strategic technology direction” That I can buy from McKinsey! Why are you my strat tech director? Direct me something?
” are only a subset of the skills” Not “my” skills. Not “important” skills. Not “vast inventory of skills and tools”. Who cares if you can speak URDU?
“I add to an organization” Yada. Where’s the excitement? Where’s the synergy? Where’s the earth shaking rapid movement to the buried treasure.
No, I’ve read it, studied it, analyzed it, struggled over it — twice. In two different sessions. And, IMHO, it’s not you. You have more passion in some blog posts than exudes from this elevator speech.
Make it short, energetic, every word costs a million bucks. Does each phrase or word have an ROI?
MY “elevator speech” statement is “I help enterprises, solve tough business and technical problems, in large scale global infrastructures.”
I think it’s spot on for me. What do you think? The commas are important. :-) Followed by silence and active listening. (I hope)
How about recasting yours into:
I can lead an information technology effort to deliver business solutions. That makes growth, profitability, and “fun” happen. It takes skills from a – applications development to z – zest to make it happen. When I get my opportunities to shine, I’m a star.
Does that help?
In retrospect maybe:
I can lead an information technology effort to deliver business solutions. That makes growth, profitability, and “fun” happen. It takes ALL my skills from a – applications development to z – zest to make it happen.
Yup, that’s it. It’s how I see you. But the real question is how do you see you? It’s like a ghost written resume or using some one else’s UVP. You have to be comfortable in your own skin. You have to be YOUR uvp.
fwiw ymmv faiwwypfi
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Reinke Faces Life 