Reinke Faces Life

http://www.flixxy.com/happiest-penguin-ever.htm

Here’s wishing everyone a Happy New Year.

(I wish I was as happy as that penguin.)

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FROM LUDDITE:

A LOVING GRANDPA

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, William, we won’t be long … easy, Boy.”

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, “It’s okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, Boy.”

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William.”

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.”

“Thanks,” said the grandfather, “But I’m William … the little shit’s name is Kevin.”

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A Politically Correct Christmas Greeting

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Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all;

Additionally,

a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to the race, creed, color, religious, or sexual preferences of the wishes.

(Disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)

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ROFL!

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http://youtu.be/ynnwhzWnnVg

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FROM A CHAIN EMAIL THAT I THOUGHT WAS FUNNY

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One day an old German Shepherd dog starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd dog thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep s*** now!”

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

“Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

“Whew!,” says the panther, “That was close! That old German Shepherd dog nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now? But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says…

“Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!”

Moral of this story…

Don’t mess with the old dogs… Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

If you don’t send this to five ‘old’ friends right away, there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

Of course, I am in no way insinuating that you are old, just ‘youthfully challenged’.

(You did notice the size of the print, didn’t you?)

*** end quote ***

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ROFL!

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Do all country music stars …

(Now, I have the TV on the various “country” music channels. And, from time to time, usually when I’m waiting for the computer to respond, I look at the “stills”. — Hmmm, TV has capable of continuous video since its inception. Why put up basically a bad powerpoint deck (i.e., a series of badly designed composite pictures) with the music? — and made an observation?

… have blue eyes?

Or blue contacts?

Yeah, I know get a life!

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I’m a “winner”.

Sigh!

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Yeah, I know get a life!

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http://youtu.be/XQa0eqABWAg

Chuck Woolery discusses crazy budget cuts

Uploaded by SaveUsChuckWoolery on Nov 28, 2011

Game show legend Chuck Woolery discusses which sacred government programs should be saved from the budget cuts.

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ROFL! Sad that these are true programs!

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http://youtu.be/xFAWR6hzZek

From an educator responding to a nag about ebooks and etexts. ROFL!

http://youtu.be/yUQRbqc2qtY

But it’s funnier in other than English, imho.

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http://www.irishcentral.com/news/Riverdance-will-end-all-US-tours-in-2012-producer-announces-133738508.html

Riverdance will end all US tours in 2012, producer announces
By JAMES O’SHEA, IrishCentral.com Staff Writer
Published Saturday, November 12, 2011, 8:58 AM

http://youtu.be/X5Mc03_rlWo

http://youtu.be/696n1f1eZnk

For some reason, this show really clicked with me. And, apparently with others.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=g6OaSzoSpHE

What would you do … … …

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FROM LUDDITE

http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=QG10388318

Hmmm?

Funny and cute.

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In today’s environment, with malware, address book takeovers, and all sorts of concerns, who’s looking at e-cards?

Who can be sure of such things? There’s no Underwriters’ Laboratory for inet content and sites.

Hmmm, business model?

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When sprinkling the attendees with Holy Water, “if this burns come see me”.

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OK, I THOUGHT it was funny!

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http://www.irishcentral.com/news/New-mobile-app-will-show-when-Daisy-the-cow-is-in-heat—130933583.html

New mobile app will show when Daisy the cow is in heat
Irish company set to make millions in US with Moomaster
By JAMES LARKIN, IrishCentral.com Staff Writer
Published Sunday, October 2, 2011, 8:51 AM Updated Sunday, October 2, 2011, 8:51 AM

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A new mobile app which shows when cows are in heat has been launched worldwide by Dairymaster an Irish company. It will replace a vasectomized bull for many farmers. It will be launched in the US next week.

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Guess this could have been filed under “job search advice”, or “software”.

Seriously, there’s such a thing as a “vasectomized bull”?

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With full credit for the spam to K

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Seniors at Florida Dunkin Donuts

A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments.

“My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one.

“Yes, I know,” said another. “My cataracts are so bad; I can’t even see my coffee.”

“I couldn’t even mark an “X” at election time, my hands are so crippled,” volunteered a third.

“What? Speak up! What? I can’t hear you!”

“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a fourth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

“My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!” exclaimed another.

“I forget where I am, and where I’m going,” said another.

“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.

The others nodded in agreement.

“Well, count your Blessings,” said a woman cheerfully – – “thank God we can all still drive.”

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http://www.flixxy.com/if-computer-problems-were-real.htm

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=j46ll2_jR7k

Lisa Lottie Hottie Hoops

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The fat old white guy injineer in me, after careful study, notices that she only does the leg lift on one side. I’ll have to give the matter further study … from an injineering perspective, of course. Sigh!

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http://www.comedycentral.com

http://www.lewrockwell.com/blog/lewrw/archives/94995.html

Jon Stewart on the Solyndra Collapse

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http://www.theblaze.com/stories/tv-legend-chuck-woolery-spoofs-buffetts-tax-stance-in-new-psa/

“To those suffering with the unbearable pain of obnoxiously high bank balances or low-back pain from sitting on overstuffed wallets. I say forget waiting for Congress to do something. Let’s act now!”

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FROM LUDITE

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese. However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons? Believe it or not ……. a Congress! I guess that pretty much explains the things that come out of Washington ! A Congress of Baboons!

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Clearly an insult to baboons everywhere.

ROFL!

Now what “anthropomorphic collective nouns” to outraged taxpayers?

The Tea Party?

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Interesting? The first question I ask every time is “what’s the roi?”. Is that too dumb? I rode by pton airport. Always wanted to fly; Frau nixed that. Now, while it might be “fun”, and a fast way to catch up with her, what would be my roi?

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FROM MY OLDER FRIEND’S DAUGHTER

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I met a fairy today who said she would grant me one wish.

“I want to live forever,” I said.

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that!”

“Fine,” I said, “then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses!”

“You crafty bastard,” said the fairy.

*** end quote ***

ROFL!

(She knows my warped sense of humor. As if Congress could actually accomplish anything, like getting their head place anywhere, in the first place.)

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