Reinke Faces Life

What Management Has Taught Me About Life

What Management Has Taught Me About Life|
September 9th, 2008 by Michael Miles

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One morning, a gentleman knocks on his son’s door. “Jaime,” he says, “wake up!” Jaime answers, “I don’t want to get up, Papa.” The father shouts, “Get up, you have to go to school.” Jaime says, “I don’t want to go to school.” “Why not?” asks the father. “Three reasons,” says Jaime. “First, because it’s so dull; second, the kids tease me; and third, I hate school.” And the father says,”Well, I am going to give you three reasons why you must go to school. First, because it is your duty; second, because you are forty-five years old, and third, because you are the headmaster!”

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I liked the joke!

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Ladyjade Hulk

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ROFL!

Hey, I’m on vacation!

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http://www.feld.com/blog/archives/2008/08/political_joke.html

August 19, 2008 5:43 PM
Political Joke of the Day

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I have no idea where this joke came from, but I couldn’t resist posting it because it combined Alaska, Massachusetts, Democrats, Republicans, Guns, the Pope, and a Grizzly Bear.

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the PopeMobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a ‘Save the Whales’ hat and a ‘To Hell with Bush’ T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear’s chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear’s grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. ‘I give you my blessing for your brave actions!’ he told them. ‘I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists but now I’ve seen with my own eyes that this is not true.’

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies ‘Who was that guy?’

‘It was the Pope,’ another replied. ‘He’s in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.

‘Well,’ the logger said, ‘he may have access to all wisdom but he doesn’t know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?’

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ROFL!

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From the movie "The Bucket List"

Frau and I watched this the other night on Comcast OnDemand. Hey for five bucks why shlep to a theater.

I found it funny and insightful. I don’t care that the premise was absurd. I don’t care about the flubs in the movie of a technical nature (i.e., identical heart rates; ripped up lists; unlimited money). It was a morality play of sorts.

I’ve begun working on my list! You?

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From Luddite’s wife:

Copied from a forward.

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Okay, here’s the plan:

1) Back off and allow those men who want to marry men, marry men.
2) Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.
3) Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.
4) In three generations, there will be no democrats!!!

I love it when a plan comes together

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“Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?” he once mused. “Are they afraid someone will clean them?”

George Carlin died. I thought he held up stupidity to ridicule. Adult, but funny. Necessary for a society that does so many stupid things. Wouldn’t want a steady diet of him on TV; better than what passes for the 11PM news! imho

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http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/15146

Come up with a faux quote, win a book!
by David K. Israel – May 28, 2008 – 4:49 AM

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If you missed our interview with David Pratt, author of the new book The Impossible Takes Longer: The 1,000 Wisest Things Ever Said by Nobel Prize Laureates, go check it out and then come on back because today, we’re giving away a copy to one creative reader. Here’s how to win the book:

Come up with a clever, witty, fake quote and attribute it to a notable person (real, mythological, fictitious, it’s up to you). For instance, what if the great mathematician Archimedes (of “Eureka!” fame), had said this one night after a satisfying meal with his wife:

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MY ENTRY:

“Free the slaves? But only in areas that I have no control over. And, that will make me an icon of freedom. Who’d believe that I freed any slaves at all? No one is that dumb!”

“Honest” Abe Lincoln,
who ‘freed’ the slaves,
to his Press Secretary,
right before he fired him and
threw him in a military prison
got suspicion of terrorism.

:-)

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FROM MY LUDDITE FRIEND

Disclaimer: He is a vacuum cleaner of all sorts of inet forwards. He seems to get every kind of junk mail from friends and relatives which he shares some with me that he feels are “interesting’? Luckily, I don’t have many friends or relatives. At least the kind that send this stuff along. (Although I do have one wacky one who is into “inspirational” chain mails. Have to watch her carefully, lest she fly off on angel’s wings to Nigeria!) But every once and while, Luddite comes up with one that is worth sharing. Here’s one. With no attribution or identification. For your reading pleasure, a bit of humor from Luddite!

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TWO WAYS TO LOOK AT EVERYTHING

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asks, ‘Do you know her?’ ‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

So you see, there really are 2 ways to look at everything

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LOL!

Wives do have a unique ability to return husbands to reality. Usually with a thump. This just highlights that eternal truth.

Not every psychological ‘eureka’ has to be a stuffy principle. Sometimes they can come disguised as a joke.

Submitted for what it is worth to you.

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The shouldas, couldas, and wouldas will kill you.

“Should have” indicates remorse over the non-choice of an competing option. (I should have had a baked potatoe as opposed to the french fries I did have.)

“Could have” indicates remorse over a choice that wasn’t known to be available at decision time. (I didn’t know that baked sweet potatoes were an option.)

“Would have” indicates remorse over not being able to take subsequent choice which was precluded by an earlier decision. (If I hadn’t eaten so many french fries, I’d have had room for a slice of apple pie.)

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FROM LUDDITE

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What does a Project Manager DO?

Project Managers are a fortunate lot, for, as everyone knows, a project manager has nothing to do; that is, except…

To decide what is to be done;
to tell somebody to do it;
to listen to reasons why it should not be done,
why it should be done by somebody else,
or why it should be done in a different way;
and to prepare arguments in rebuttal that shall be convincing and conclusive.

And then:
To follow up to see if the thing has been done;
to discover that it has not been done;
to enquire why it has not been done;
to listen to excuses from the person who did not do it;
and to think up arguments to overcome the excuses.

And then:
To follow up a second time to see if the thing has been done;
to discover that is has been done incorrectly;
to point out how it shall be done;
to conclude that as long as it has been done it might as well be left as it is;
to wonder if it is not time to get rid of the person who cannot do a thing correctly;
to reflect that in all probability any successor would be just as bad, or worse.

And finally:
To consider how much more simply and better the thing would have been done had he done it himself in the first place;
to reflect satisfactorily that if he had done it himself he would have been able to do it right in 20 minutes and that as things turned out, he himself spent two days trying to find out why it is that it has taken somebody else three weeks to do it wrong.
To realise that such an idea would have a very demoralising effect on the project team, because it would strike at the very foundation of the belief of all employees that a project manager has nothing to do.

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Obviously he’s not working as hard as I am.

:-)

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From: Frau Reinke’s High School Chum
Sent: Wednesday, March 05, 2008 7:38 PM
Subject: Why Are Wedding Dresses White?

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I’d take a bet that this guy never said this loud enough so his wife can hear this:

>Son asked his mother the following question:
>
> “Mom , why are wedding dresses white?” The mother replies, “Son, this shows everyone that your bride is pure.”
>
> The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. “Dad why are wedding dresses white?”
>
> The father looks at his son in surprise and says, “Son, all household appliances come in white.”

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No sucker money here. But, it is funny. Especially in today’s day and age.

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http://www.dailywritingtips.com/wether-weather-whether/

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The farmer wondered whether the adverse weather had affected his wether.

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LOL!

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FROM LUDDITE’S WIFE (who is one of those people who forwards funny stuff along, but not the rumor of the day)

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For those of you who are sick of getting emails that tell you to forward it to at least X number of people in the next 15 minutes so that wonderful things and miracles will happen if you do, or there will be serious consequences if you don’t,then you will enjoy this.

This is hilarious! (and it’s ABOUT TIME someone did this!)

http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf

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AND, absolutely true. EXCEPT they did leave out all the emails offering to make something bigger, longer, or grow faster!

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FUN: Middle Aged Woman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1TVOXdNkFo

As a married man of many years, I wouldn’t DARE comment on this. I’ll just politely say “thank you” to Luddite’s wife for sharing this with me. And, hope that that is the right thing to say. One never knows around women of ANY age. :-)

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoLdONp-enc

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Do you want to achieve more self-confidence? Brilliant and hilarious ad, especially the disclaimer in rapid-speak.

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http://www.spike.com/video/2938219

FedEx pigeons nosed out Bud’s Clydesdale training by a whisker imho.

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<object width=”425″ height=”373″><param name=”movie” value=”>http://www.youtube.com/v/0OTgb3KO7QM&rel=1&border=1″></param><param name=”wmode” value=”transparent”></param><embed src=”http://www.youtube.com/v/0OTgb3KO7QM&rel=1&border=1” type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” wmode=”transparent” width=”425″ height=”373″></embed></object>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OTgb3KO7QM

AN absolute hoot!

Not that I think Jack has to worry about his career being threatened.

But, you have to wonder at the the time and effort put into You Tube videos.

Amazing!

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http://darwinawards.com/

Taking apart munitions with a chisel?

One has to that the various nominees for voluntarily removing themselves from the gene pool.

Freedom to make bad choices.

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“Every morning in Africa a gazelle awakens knowing it must today run faster than the fastest lion or it will be eaten. Every morning a lion awakens knowing it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve. It matters not whether you are a gazelle or a lion, when the sun rises you had better be running.” – African Proverb

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From:
Sent: Sunday, January 06, 2008 11:39 AM
To:
Subject: SRA – Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?

FYI – Submitted for entertainment value only… ;-)

Of course, the chances of a Democrat actually having a CCW and
carrying a personal defense weapon is very very remote, the exceptions
being Peretta, Feinstein and a few others who really dont want you to
know it… the jury would still be out on the “expert shot” status as a Dem
would not get much range time due to OSHA environment concerns…

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife
and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes
around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities,
praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock 40S&W (A Big Hand Gun), and you
are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches
you and your family. What do you do?
…………………………………………………….

THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN

Democrat’s Answer:

Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing!…

I need to debate this with friends for few days & try to come to a consensus.

Oh Shit… that hurt!

Republican’s Answer:

BANG!

Redneck’ s Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click….. (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click….. (Sounds of reloading)

Daughter: ‘Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester SilverTips or GoldDot Hollow Points?’

Son: ‘Can I shoot the next one!’

Wife: ‘You ain’t taking that to the Taxidermist..

===============================================
“The 21St Century is when everything changes,
and you’ve gotta be ready…!”
===============================================

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as per the “Fair Use” as described in Title-17, Sect 107 below.
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fair use without profit or payment to those who have expressed
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=505753&in_page_id=1770

It’s behind you: Great White stalks ocean canoeist
Last updated at 00:19am on 3rd January 2008

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Alone in his tiny plastic sea kayak, marine biologist Trey Snow had hoped to stealthily track a great white shark. But he had the shock of his life when he spotted a giant fin and realised it was he who was being stalked – by surely one of the most feared killers in the world.

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Great pic with a copyright. Take a peek … …

… … and decide if the fellow needed clean shorts. I would! Can you say “Hmm, that looks like a butter basted penguin. Yummy!”

Humans have such ego that, in a dangerous world, outside their element, they go see if the Great White is f … … having marital relations or visiting with cousins.

The Intelligent Designer must be laffin his aqq off. (We are made in the image and likeness right?)

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The quote is” “Do, or do not. There is no TRY!” And, on the word “try”, have to wrinkle your nose like you have a bad taste in your mouth. ;-)

(It really calls attention to the fact that “try” connotes that you can’t possibly be expected to do it. You’re too weak and incapable of accomplishing it. It drains you of all your power to astonish yourself with what you CAN accomplish.)

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HAPPY SOLSTICE, HAPPY HANUKKAH, MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY KWANZA

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By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

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