EVLYNN: Death and grief is universal

Tuesday, July 8, 2014


When a Spouse Dies Abroad
Compounding the grief of loss are mountains of paperwork.

*** begin quote ***

When I finally reemerged, something about me was different. I was less afraid of how I appeared to others and more certain of how I wanted to live. Perhaps I was a little more reckless too. I became more creative. I painted a lot, something I’d let slide with the arrival of my children. You could say that I became more selfish, but as a consequence I also became stronger, and that made me more useful to others.

There is something about the lack of choice in the whole process of grief, the sheer overwhelming power of it—it rushes in like a huge wave, and in the end it forces surrender. From that surrendered state, answers did eventually arrive, but through a very different door than the questions. They came in stealthily. I am not sure precisely when, but I started to find that the questions mattered less. My anger subsided. Gradually I became aware of the everyday happiness of being alive again.

That simple, everyday happiness is not a mundane idea. It is really life’s essence. While I felt, and still feel, that life, like the ocean, can be treacherous, it is also vast and beautiful. It fills me with wonder.

*** end quote ***

Death, any death, is traumatic.

The closer the relative the harder it is.

And closing an estate is often easier said than done.

In the end, all you have is the sadness and loneliness of the “missing”.


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EVLYNN: Blood Drive – 14 pints collected

Tuesday, July 1, 2014



2 off the street and a few drivers too this year – Matt did the Alex again so that gave us some extra!

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Excellent job. 

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EVLYNN: Yet another sad day in my life

Tuesday, July 1, 2014


“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss

Easier said than done!

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EVLYNN: Jacki’s doing a blood drive on Ev’s birthday. 7/1/14

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Jacki’s doing a blood drive on Ev’s birthday. If anyone’s interested?

July 1 2014
5 Industrial Drive
New Brunswick NJ 0890
11:30 to 5:30

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I’d be most appreciative for your help!

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MEMORIES: At 1600 three years ago

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

At 1600 three years ago … …

… … my life changed forever and unalterably. 

“My love, were it in my power, I would sadly grant thee this boon. But, we have to continue to follow His Plan for us. Let’s go forth and speak no more of this. Who ever is last will be last. It will be His choice; not ours. We’re but humble custodians of His temple on earth. It’s not our place to trump His plan. Whatever that plan be, know that I will be with you to my last breath.” — character “John” in CHURCH 10●19●62 Volume 2 Page 399

It was like I was prescient when I wrote that in 2009!

“… to my last breath.”

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MEMORIES: An anniversary passes

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Today is “one of THOSE days”.

Just another sad day in the “sad season”.

It would have been 43 years today.

Saint Henry’s in Bayonne. High Hat reception. Pocono’s for a quickie honeymoon.

So much promise; so much life. And it was cut short. Longer than expected; shorter than needed.

Life’s just not fair. It’s just life.

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MEMORIES: Watching Army Navy game

Saturday, December 14, 2013

It’s a cold snowy day.

I remember a similar day.

Our Girl, her Dad Jack, with the “boys” Craig and Scott went to the game.

Jack always wanted to see one.

That wish Our Girl was able to grant.

Took the minnie winnie to Philly.

It was bleak and cold.

She made “Chicken Soup in the Crock Pot”. (I found an outlet on a light pole in the lot.) And we went to the game.

Despite everyone wearing cold weather gear, we left at the end of the third quarter.

Boy, was that the best chicken soup we ever had. 


I should know never schedule anything in Philly on the same week end as the Army Navy game.

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MEMORIES: Comes from I don’t know where?

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

“My attitude to money comes from …”

Men don’t usually care about money; to women it means home and hearth.

I get my attitude about comes from my dad …

… can always make more …

is that true?

Any more I’m not so sure. 

And what is money?

(I think of Sheldon “what is physics” and Penny “oh balls” #tbbt)

“Money is a matter of functions four, a medium, a measure, a standard, a store.” He repeated that four times like poetry. “Six Characters in Money: Portable – Durable – Divisible – Uniformity – Limited Supply – Acceptability.” — CHURCH 10●19●62 (Vol 1) 978-0-557-08387-9 page 110

But it’s both more and less than that!

More in the sense it is “time”. 

Gold is the ability to buy leisure.

Less in that it is NOT time. 

Everyone gets one life to spend as they see fit.

Who am I to tell someone they are wrong in how they spend their time aka money?

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MEMORIES: Life is not a VCR

Saturday, September 21, 2013

“In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” – Oscar Wilde

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And sometimes the joy of getting what you want is balanced by the pain of losing it 40 years later.

So would it have been better to forego the first to avoid the second?

“Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”

Maybe, but maybe not.

I’ll never know.

Not sure that it would make a difference.

The “Road Less Traveled”?

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MEMORIES: Our Girl would have appreciated this invention

Monday, September 9, 2013



I know that would have been really a blessing to Our Girl. She had to be poked several times a week during the last 5 years of her life. Always a hard stick, some techs were great; others horrible.



MEMORIES: “Where have all the flowers gone”

Thursday, September 5, 2013

This afternoon, PP&M came on randomly off the IPHONE5 with “Where have all the flowers gone”.

Sadly, the USA didn’t learn from Viet Nam.

I know now that the anti-war movement of the 60′s was astro-turfed by the D’s.

Unfortunately, a lot of good women and men have been hurt by that.

Sad that the Sheeple don’t learn.

Makes me sad.

I think of all the lost, all the suffering, and all the money wasted.

Where HAVE all the flowers gone.

Mary Travers, RIP.

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MEMORIES: Are the “medicine men” for real

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

are you kidding me?

Two years after Our Girl passes, I get a bill for $200 for her diagnostic care.

R U <synonym for excrement> ing me?

Sorry, but she was fully insured. (Two coverages to be exact!)

AND now for the first time I hear that I supposedly owe you money.

(Aside from that the estate was legally closed a year ago.)

Can anyone suggest what I should do?

First think that came to mind was to call and say “Who the hell are you any way?” Not like I wouldn’t recognize any of the names of her docs!!!


I’m a peaceful fellow, but this makes me crazed!

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MEMORIES: Saturday’s shopping adventure

Monday, August 26, 2013

One of Frau Reinke’s favorite days was “back to school” shopping day. It’s was her chance to spoil children and share their simple joy in new duds. 

(As a fat old white guy injineer, I could care less about clothes. Shopping is just torture. And “skrule” was cruel and unusual punishment by some Yack in the Box!)

She directed me to carry on and gave me my instructions. I promised. So last Saturday, I did it again for her.

Funny! Nothing like a dirty old man wandering around young girls clothing stores. At least, when I was carrying a bag or two, I didn’t feel so self-conscious.

Any way, I write this post to share two serendipitous moments.

The first store we hit had music and the tune that played after our arrival was Taylor Swift’s @tswift13 “You Belong With Me”. I took that as an omen to encourage me to relax and enjoy the moment.

The day went on to its eventual conclusion when even a tween gets tired of “shopping”.

So I rewarded myself with some time at the AL410 for a Met’s loss, a Yank’s loss, and a few adult beverages.

Closing the joint, I headed home to “do” Jasper Jottings. I was strangely hungry. So I ducked into McD’s. (Yeah, I know non-primal carbs after 7PM.) Gotta Big Mac.

Home, ate, Jottings, sack!

This morning I looked at the McD receipt. It’s number 247.

That was Our Girl’s favorite-est number. 

Was that a message from the Universe?

Like well done, well pleased.

Or just coincidence?

You decide. I know what I’d like to believe.

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EVLYNN: Donated 2 more bag of platelets today

Friday, August 23, 2013

Donated 2 more bags today!

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MEMORIES: Ev’s team mate Diane Gallagher Brennan [RIP]

Thursday, July 4, 2013


Diane Gallagher Brennan

*** begin quote ***

Diane Gallagher Brennan, 65, of Columbia, N.J., died June 30, 2013, at Morristown Medical Center following a long battle with lymphoma.

*** and ***

A native of Bayonne, N.J., Diane attended Holy Family Academy before enrolling at Chestnut Hill College in Philadelphia, where she was recognized for her academic achievements in the university’s “Who’s Who” directory, as well as for her athletic accomplishments as a member of the school’s basketball and tennis halls of fame. 

*** end quote ***

Funny, how these reminders keep coming up.

Maybe … 

Silly …

Dona Nobis Pacem!

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MEMORIES: Today’s would have been / is Our Girl’s birthday

Monday, July 1, 2013

Blood drive in New / North Brunswick 1130 to 3

Mass this morning thinking of her.

Maybe I’ll “remote work” or maybe just take a “mental health” day.


Wasn’t supposed to end.

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EVLYNN: Donated a “double” today

Friday, April 26, 2013

They didn’t have the usual setup today so everything was “approximated”. Hence, they were only taking singles and doubles today. DRAT!

Due to my “superior qualifications” as a “cow”, they were able to “milk” me for a double.

That translates to four bags of platelets for someone who needs them.

They find it harder to get platelet donors than whole blood donors. 

(Hey, it’s hard work hooked up to one of these “dumb” boxes. And, you have to sort of focus, “squeeze the little ball on the draw, and relax on the return”. Over, and over, and over. For about 2+ hours. Fortunately, I’m a good layer around. Today, I listed to all my @tswift13 music.)

Any way, that brings me to 70/75 bags replaced.

Never let it be said that I let Our Girl down with an unkept promise.

(But my butt still hurts!)


Join me next month?

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EVLYNN: Funny story yesterday

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

For the better part of almost a year now. I roll out of bed, shape up, and go to work arriving between 7 and 8 AM.

Clock work!

So on Monday, knowing I’d be late, I could my senior coworker and my Boss.

Went to Mass.

Come out and turn on my phone and berry. They start to have a nervous breakdown. Email, calls, texts! 

Did the building burn down? Did our pool with the lotto? Was there an asteroid on its way to 22102?


My coworkers missed me at my appointed time and feared the worst.

They were getting ready to send a expedition over to the condo to see if I died in my sleep.

(LAFF, I should be so lucky!)

And, they even involved my senior coworker, who forgot about the conversation.


I guess they are creatures of habit too and you’re not allowed to deviate from the norm.

Maybe next year, they’ll remember.

I thought it was quite touching and funny.

It was the cherry on a lousy morning!

(Or should that be mourning?)

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EVLYNN: February 26, 2011 — a day that I’ll never forget

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Evlynn Marie Mahoney Reinke
(July 1, 1947 – February 26, 2011)

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What can I say?

My life changed that day.

And the rush for the finish line began. 

To catch up.

It’s like … missing an essential part of what was “me”.

I don’t know how other folks doit.

One foot in from of the other, I guess.

No sympathy; no pity needed.

I have a great 40+ years. More than most; less than some.

I only regret the days I didn’t treasure what I had.

This ends what I call the “yucky season” — starts are Halloween (She loved the kids at the door and always made a game out of it!) and end at the end of February. Only bad day the rest of the year is 7/1 her birthday.

“This too shall pass.” 

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The phrase appears in the works of Persian Sufi poets, such as Sanai and Attar of Nishapur. Attar records the fable of a powerful king who asks assembled wise men to create a ring that will make him happy when he is sad, and vice versa. After deliberation the sages hand him a simple ring with the words “This too will pass” etched on it, which has the desired effect.

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MEMORIES: Growlers

Sunday, February 10, 2013

In my never ending quest to rediscover the old dives of my childhood — yes, I frequented bars in my high school days; one of the advantages of working real jobs with real men — was the discovery of quaint places that were friendly and welcoming.

Unlike today, where it’s a gooferment regulated expensive hustle.

Beer in high school was 20 cents; 10 cents if you had id. It was as cheap as soda. The bars then would turn a blind eye to age. And you’d get bounced forever if you were “rude”. BUt I digress. When I went into my regular place, the regular tender made a big deal of proofing me. Wonder how he knew? And I got the “legal” price.

But I digress.

I happened to try the “Mad Fox Brewing Company” in Fairfax for “dinner”.

And, incomes a patron buying a ‘growler’ of beer.

Boy, did that bring back old memories.

My father-in-law didn’t care for canned or bottled beer; said it gave him gas. So every night, and I mean every night after the family dinner, he go downstairs to the tavern with his ceramic / metal container. I was informed is was a “growler”. Conveniently, the tavern was located next door to the apartments. A while later, he’d return with a growler full of draft beer.

When the growler was “dirty”. (It had to be cleaned and seasoned. Never learned what all that was.) He’d get cardboard ones. But they deteriorated quickly.

SO, any way, as much as I try to escape the past, it seems to haunt me.

Girls basketball on TV too.

Just in case I might forget.


EVLYNN: 19 left to go

Sunday, January 27, 2013

On Friday, I was able to donate a double. Wonder why? Used to be good for a triple every visit. At this pace, I won’t complete until November. Wonder if I eat more spinich? Any experts on what drives platelet production? Time to do some google medicine searches.

Argh! Sad and fustrating.


MEMORIES: News story, tshirt, and a laff

Monday, December 31, 2012




Heard about HRC having to spend NYD in the hospital. As much as I don’t like her politically, I wish her a speedy recovery. The talking heads were lamenting about her, in the hospital, on NYD, and how dreary. Brought me back to a NYD I spent in RWJ with Frau Reinke. When Frau regretted that I had to spend the day there with her, I commented: “Hey, it’s not bad. Any day, I spend with you is a good day where ever it is. Some day, I may look back and wish for a day like this.” She called me “silly”. That look back day is today. Then, by luck, here’s the tshirt that was next in the “rotation”. I still remember her laughing with Marge when the guy in the elevator of the Indian Casino got real close to read her chest. LOL!!!


MEMORIES: 42 years ago

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

a beautiful young lady said “i do”

changed me forever

she was called away two years ago

changed me forever

just waiting


MONEY: Polish Ponzi hurts; a lesson for the USA and the Federal Reserve System “dollar”

Wednesday, August 22, 2012


Aaaand It’s Gone: This Is Why You Always Demand Physical
Tyler Durden’s picture
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 08/14/2012 21:09 -0400

*** begin quote *** 

We have said it over and over, we’ll say it again. For all those who for one reason or another would like to boycott the broken markets, yet trade gold in paper form, please understand that all the invested capital is at risk of total loss and can and will be lost, commingled and rehypothecated, not necessarily in that order, with little to zero recourse and the residual claim on liquidating assets pushed to the very end of the queue. Because if Lehman, MF Global, Peregrine, and countless other examples were not enough, here comes Amber Gold: a gold-based investment ponzi scheme out of Poland, in which it is likely needless to say that the gullible investors never had actual possession of the gold. And when they tried, it was gone. All gone.

*** end quote ***

Why do you trust that someone else is watching your assets?


Ponzi is the meme.

Social Security Insurance, fiat paper money that channels John Law, and any promise made by politicians and bureaucrats!


Nah, realist.

Save your nickels!

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MEMORIES: The Grand (Central) Hyatt; the visit makes me sad

Monday, August 20, 2012

This past week end I had occasion to stay at the The Grand Hyatt in NYC over Grand Central Station for work.

It was in the Fall of 1967 that I attended the Injineer’s Ball in that very same hotel with my beloved.

Made me very sad.

What can I say? If I knew then what I know now, would it have made a difference? If I knew then what I know now, could I have changed the course of history? Would I have lived with more zest knowing that the end was fast approaching?

Or, would by knowing, would something different have happened?


In my Great American Novel, CHURCH 10●19●62, I postulated an etherial “probabilities” machine.

*** begin quote ***

(Upon having his name invoked, Saint TAQ checked the Eternal Possibilities Machine, which generates all the possibilities for use in creating the alternative worlds. In all those probability lines where those three survived to lead the survivors, everyone died. Marie never was in a place and motivated to open the water valve. No one else would have found and read the directions. Saint Taq petitioned the Lord to soften Jody’s heart to Marie’s pain. And vice versa.)

*** end quote ***

— CHURCH 10●19●62 (volume 1) page 45

Were I had such a thing to “know” the difference?


Sadly, we’ll never know.

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MEMORIES: Insulin, insulin Rejection, and Diabetes — all factors in Our Girl’s life

Monday, July 23, 2012


Insulin – Too Much of This Is a Really Bad Thing!
by Margaret Durst
The Green House

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Insulin is the hormone that regulates blood sugar levels within the body. Diabetes is the most well known condition involving insulin; however, insulin resistance is a more common condition affecting 25 to 30 percent of all Americans. Insulin resistance is a precursor to type II diabetes.

*** end quote ***

The “witch doctors” know that diabetes is “big trouble”. 

They think they know how to scale it — something crazy like “brutal”, juvenile, adult-onset, something very odd like “pre-diabetic”.

They can tell you all sorts of stuff about it — ml of glucose per cc of blood sample, factoids about blood chemistry, the role of stuff like insulin in the human body. After you get unconfused, you realize they have not clue#1 as to what’s important about it.

They “prescribe” exercise, lose weight, tight control, and various and sundry drugs. They will turn you over to a “registered dietician” who is nothing better than a shill for “conventional wisdom”.

(Our Girl was “sent” thrice to one over a span of 35 years. Of course, I was along for the ride. The pitch changed not a wit from visit to visit. It was flat out wrong for her. Follow their “diets”, her sugars were worse, she felt worse, and what she hated most was that she GAINED weight. Even the doctor admitted she should go back to what she was doing. Which was contra-intuitive, but even the doc admitted she’d “discovered” what worked for her.)

They will subtly communicate to you the fact that they have not clue#1 when they say things like: “Diabetics are always upside down”, “Lab results and diabetics don’t mix”, and my personal favorite “don’t worry, be happy, you’re going to have short life”. (Honest! Great Brother Jasper’s Ghost visit me tonight if that’s not what her first doctor, Doctor Ron, told her. He was spot on and she loved his blunt honesty.) 

So, thinking about this, because of the cited link, you must find your own way. Don’t depend on “authorities” or bureaucrats. It’s the old “doctor” is chicken who’s involved in your situation, but you’re the committed pig in the project of “making breakfast”. My thoughts and prayers are with all that suffer this terrible affliction.

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