FUN: Some one liners

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

FROM BUGLE BLAST
Editor/Publisher/s Notes – Mike Berger
Vienna VA 22181
Volume 6 Number 6
Cell: 703-861-0726
Email: bugleblasts@gmail.com

*** begin quote ***

Humor – Lexophiles

A Lexophile is a person who loves words. Here are phrases 

- Police were called to a Day Care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

- You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

- Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.

- When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

- A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

- When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. 

- The batteries were given out free of charge.

- A dentist and a manicurist married and fought tooth and nail.

- A will is a dead giveaway. 

- With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

- A boiled egg is hard to beat.

- When you’ve seen one Shopping Center you’ve seen a Mall.

- Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was  cut off? He’s all right now.

- A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

- When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

- The person who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

- He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

- When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.

- Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

And finally 

- Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

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FUN: TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT

Thursday, October 30, 2014

FROM AN EMAIL FROM LUDDITE

TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT

#10. I vote Democrat
because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.

#9. I vote Democrat
because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn’t.

#8. I vote Democrat
because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

#7. I vote Democrat
because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

#6. I vote Democrat
because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that gets police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

#5. I vote Democrat
because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

#4. I vote Democrat
because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I
believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even
and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.

#2. I vote Democrat
because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

… And, the #1 reason I vote Democrat is
because I think it’s better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here in America. We don’t care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries.

 

“The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits”… Albert Einstein

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I have no info on the accuracy or attribution of the supposed Einstein quote. The other 10 points seem spot on to me.

Not that I have any great love for the R’s who are merely in most cases just Democratic lite.

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FUN: Screw is a funny word

Sunday, October 5, 2014

http://gizmodo.com/why-screws-tighten-clockwise-1639456879

*** begin quote ***

Screw is a funny word.

Since at least 1725 it has meant to copulate, and since 1900 it has meant to cheat or defraud.

“To screw up” dates from 1942, while not having your head screwed on right has been an expression since at least 1821.

The screwdriver cocktail traces its roots to 1956, and the screwball as a pitch to 1866, while as a person to 1933.

*** end quote ***

Laughing!

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FUN: Proof of death

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Once again, I’m asked for Our Girl’s certificate.

I guess I am becoming immune to it.

It’s I guess my own fault because I didn’t insist on folks to ack their change of registration. 

Poor POA, she gets to clean up all this nonsense.

A fellow alum passed yesterday so I am feeling the “cold breath”!

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FUN: S370HSSV

Thursday, August 7, 2014

The French Leader got a coded message from Bush Administration.

It read: S370HSSV‐0773H

The French were stumped and sent for the French Information Agency. The FIA was stumped too, so it went to the Russians.

The Russians couldn’t solve it either, so they asked the Germans.

The Germans, having received this same message during WWII from the Americans, suggested turning it upside down …

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I’ve added this to my profanity list.

As #2 behind <an anal opening surrounded by a sphincter> and near “ass” <synonym for donkey>!

Laughing!

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FUN: The Republican, the Libertarian, and the Democrat enter a restaurant

Monday, July 14, 2014

Three guys walk into a restaurant …..

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked,”Is that Jesus sitting over there?”
The waitress nodded “yes!” So, the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus, over there?” The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, “My treat.”

The third patron, to come into the restaurant, was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there honey! How’s about getting me a cold mug of Miller Light!” He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, “Isn’t that God’s boy over there?” The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. “On my bill,” he said loudly so everyone in the restaurant could hear.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up and began to praise the Lord.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, he raised his hands and he, too, began to praise the Lord.

Then, Jesus walked, with a huge smile on his face, towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, “Don’t touch me……. I’m on disability.”

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FUN: Saint Francis in Rome on Kickstarter

Monday, April 14, 2014

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/671087979/st-francis-in-rome-the-restoration/comments

ST. FRANCIS IN ROME – THE RESTORATION
by Raffaello Siniscalco · You’re a backer

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