Reinke Faces Life

The shouldas, couldas, and wouldas will kill you.

“Should have” indicates remorse over the non-choice of an competing option. (I should have had a baked potatoe as opposed to the french fries I did have.)

“Could have” indicates remorse over a choice that wasn’t known to be available at decision time. (I didn’t know that baked sweet potatoes were an option.)

“Would have” indicates remorse over not being able to take subsequent choice which was precluded by an earlier decision. (If I hadn’t eaten so many french fries, I’d have had room for a slice of apple pie.)

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FROM LUDDITE

*** begin quote ***

What does a Project Manager DO?

Project Managers are a fortunate lot, for, as everyone knows, a project manager has nothing to do; that is, except…

To decide what is to be done;
to tell somebody to do it;
to listen to reasons why it should not be done,
why it should be done by somebody else,
or why it should be done in a different way;
and to prepare arguments in rebuttal that shall be convincing and conclusive.

And then:
To follow up to see if the thing has been done;
to discover that it has not been done;
to enquire why it has not been done;
to listen to excuses from the person who did not do it;
and to think up arguments to overcome the excuses.

And then:
To follow up a second time to see if the thing has been done;
to discover that is has been done incorrectly;
to point out how it shall be done;
to conclude that as long as it has been done it might as well be left as it is;
to wonder if it is not time to get rid of the person who cannot do a thing correctly;
to reflect that in all probability any successor would be just as bad, or worse.

And finally:
To consider how much more simply and better the thing would have been done had he done it himself in the first place;
to reflect satisfactorily that if he had done it himself he would have been able to do it right in 20 minutes and that as things turned out, he himself spent two days trying to find out why it is that it has taken somebody else three weeks to do it wrong.
To realise that such an idea would have a very demoralising effect on the project team, because it would strike at the very foundation of the belief of all employees that a project manager has nothing to do.

*** end quote ***

Obviously he’s not working as hard as I am.

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From: Frau Reinke’s High School Chum
Sent: Wednesday, March 05, 2008 7:38 PM
Subject: Why Are Wedding Dresses White?

*** begin quote ***

I’d take a bet that this guy never said this loud enough so his wife can hear this:

>Son asked his mother the following question:
>
> “Mom , why are wedding dresses white?” The mother replies, “Son, this shows everyone that your bride is pure.”
>
> The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. “Dad why are wedding dresses white?”
>
> The father looks at his son in surprise and says, “Son, all household appliances come in white.”

*** end quote ***

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No sucker money here. But, it is funny. Especially in today’s day and age.

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http://www.dailywritingtips.com/wether-weather-whether/

*** begin quote ***

The farmer wondered whether the adverse weather had affected his wether.

*** end quote ***

LOL!

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FROM LUDDITE’S WIFE (who is one of those people who forwards funny stuff along, but not the rumor of the day)

*** begin quote ***

For those of you who are sick of getting emails that tell you to forward it to at least X number of people in the next 15 minutes so that wonderful things and miracles will happen if you do, or there will be serious consequences if you don’t,then you will enjoy this.

This is hilarious! (and it’s ABOUT TIME someone did this!)

http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf

*** end quote ***

AND, absolutely true. EXCEPT they did leave out all the emails offering to make something bigger, longer, or grow faster!

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FUN: Middle Aged Woman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1TVOXdNkFo

As a married man of many years, I wouldn’t DARE comment on this. I’ll just politely say “thank you” to Luddite’s wife for sharing this with me. And, hope that that is the right thing to say. One never knows around women of ANY age.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoLdONp-enc

*** begin quote ***

Do you want to achieve more self-confidence? Brilliant and hilarious ad, especially the disclaimer in rapid-speak.

*** end quote ***

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http://www.spike.com/video/2938219

FedEx pigeons nosed out Bud’s Clydesdale training by a whisker imho.

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<object width=”425″ height=”373″><param name=”movie” value=”>http://www.youtube.com/v/0OTgb3KO7QM&rel=1&border=1″></param><param name=”wmode” value=”transparent”></param><embed src=”http://www.youtube.com/v/0OTgb3KO7QM&rel=1&border=1” type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” wmode=”transparent” width=”425″ height=”373″></embed></object>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OTgb3KO7QM

AN absolute hoot!

Not that I think Jack has to worry about his career being threatened.

But, you have to wonder at the the time and effort put into You Tube videos.

Amazing!

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http://darwinawards.com/

Taking apart munitions with a chisel?

One has to that the various nominees for voluntarily removing themselves from the gene pool.

Freedom to make bad choices.

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“Every morning in Africa a gazelle awakens knowing it must today run faster than the fastest lion or it will be eaten. Every morning a lion awakens knowing it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve. It matters not whether you are a gazelle or a lion, when the sun rises you had better be running.” - African Proverb

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From:
Sent: Sunday, January 06, 2008 11:39 AM
To:
Subject: SRA - Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?

FYI - Submitted for entertainment value only…

Of course, the chances of a Democrat actually having a CCW and
carrying a personal defense weapon is very very remote, the exceptions
being Peretta, Feinstein and a few others who really dont want you to
know it… the jury would still be out on the “expert shot” status as a Dem
would not get much range time due to OSHA environment concerns…

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife
and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes
around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities,
praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock 40S&W (A Big Hand Gun), and you
are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches
you and your family. What do you do?
…………………………………………………….

THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN

Democrat’s Answer:

Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing!…

I need to debate this with friends for few days & try to come to a consensus.

Oh Shit… that hurt!

Republican’s Answer:

BANG!

Redneck’ s Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click….. (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click….. (Sounds of reloading)

Daughter: ‘Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester SilverTips or GoldDot Hollow Points?’

Son: ‘Can I shoot the next one!’

Wife: ‘You ain’t taking that to the Taxidermist..

===============================================
“The 21St Century is when everything changes,
and you’ve gotta be ready…!”
===============================================

Any other views expressed herein, are my own, not bought or
sponsored in any shape or form, by or for any organization,
currently existing or not. It should be noted: the URL posted
is very likely to suddenly expire & if the reader wants to
read the full article, they should should visit the copyright
holders listed site very promptly. References & partial texts
are given for EDUCATIONAL & INFORMATIONAL purposes only
as per the “Fair Use” as described in Title-17, Sect 107 below.
———————————————————-
**COPYRIGHT NOTICE** In accordance with Title 17 USC Section
107, any copyrighted work in this message is distributed under
fair use without profit or payment to those who have expressed
a prior interest in receiving the included information for non-
profit research & educational purposes only.
[Ref. http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml]
———————————————————-

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=505753&in_page_id=1770

It’s behind you: Great White stalks ocean canoeist
Last updated at 00:19am on 3rd January 2008

*** begin quote ***

Alone in his tiny plastic sea kayak, marine biologist Trey Snow had hoped to stealthily track a great white shark. But he had the shock of his life when he spotted a giant fin and realised it was he who was being stalked - by surely one of the most feared killers in the world.

*** end quote ***

Great pic with a copyright. Take a peek … …

… … and decide if the fellow needed clean shorts. I would! Can you say “Hmm, that looks like a butter basted penguin. Yummy!”

Humans have such ego that, in a dangerous world, outside their element, they go see if the Great White is f … … having marital relations or visiting with cousins.

The Intelligent Designer must be laffin his aqq off. (We are made in the image and likeness right?)

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The quote is” “Do, or do not. There is no TRY!” And, on the word “try”, have to wrinkle your nose like you have a bad taste in your mouth.

(It really calls attention to the fact that “try” connotes that you can’t possibly be expected to do it. You’re too weak and incapable of accomplishing it. It drains you of all your power to astonish yourself with what you CAN accomplish.)

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HAPPY SOLSTICE, HAPPY HANUKKAH, MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY KWANZA

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday(tm), practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual orientation of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

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Check it out. I just Scrooged myself. Have a look by clicking on the link below. http://www.scroogeyourself.com/?id=1341328175 This holiday greeting brought to you by OfficeMax®.

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“‘Status quo,’ as you know, is Latin for ‘the mess we’re in…’” Attributed to former President Ronald Reagan

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FROM LUDDITE’S WIFE:

*** begin quote ***

Merry Christmas - Ireland is the best of course

*** attached ***

A Christmas card from Europe’s Railroad - click all the destinations…

Enjoy!!!!

http://downloads.raileurope.com/holidayCard/06_christmas_card.html

*** end quote ***

Some one, some where, has too much time on their hands!

But, it was funny.

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FROM LUDDITE’S WIFE, A QUITE RELIGIOUS WOMAN WITH A WICKED SENSE OF HUMOR

*** begin quote ***

Nativity Scene

There will be no Nativity Scene in the United State Congress this year
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene
in the United States capital this Christmas season.

This isn’t for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to
find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation’s capitol.

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

*** end quote ***

All too true!

LOL

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8Aq00yJSxo

If it’s real, … perhaps “Mom” missed a few lessons at school.

Amazing how this stuff gets out and takes on a life of its own.

Just reinforcing the stereo types.

Sigh!

Ignoring the Church’s tradition in scholarship and inquiry.

Saint Thomas Moore versus the Inquisition.

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FROM MY FACEBOOK WALL

Personally you can call me “ebeneezer” before the three visitors. It just seems that bad things come at the end of the year. Wall Street layoffs (got me once)! Holiday party gaffes (some are funny since they didn’t happen to me and have led me to the “No drinking around Colleague, Coworkers, or Bosses” rule), and DWIs (hasn’t happened to me; not bloody likely either; see item two)! Divorces, Separations, Abuse, and all amount of familial and marital discord! Just seems to be more frequent at this time of year. So, I’ll just be the grinch over the corner. And, I hope the Intelligent Designer, the Universe, or whatever star you follow allows you to come through unscathed and happy. Now if we could just do something about that other plague of Biblical proportions which sucks the life out — politicians, then maybe I COULD celebrate.

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http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9565428332

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9566325289

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQHX-SjgQvQ

rofl!

http://www.lewrockwell.com/blog/lewrw/archives/016406.html

*** begin quote ***

I am reminded of an incident that occurred during the “Reign of Terror” in France. It was a busy day for the guillotine, as the condemned lined up to face their fates. The first person, a young man, was led to the scaffold, placed face up on a long board; the order of execution was read, and the signal was given for the blade to drop. It did, but - due to a malfunction - it stopped less than two feet from the head of the condemned man. The official in charge observed that, as the man had gone through the ceremony, to have repeated it would constitute double jeopardy. He was thus released and allowed to go free.

The next victim, a woman, went through the same ordeal, with the blade dropping to within a foot or two of her neck and she, too, was released. This happened two more times, much to the consternation of the execution officials. Finally, a condemned man - who happened to be an engineer - was led to the scaffold, forced to lie face up on the board, and listen as his order of execution was read. Just as the blade was about to drop, he looked up and exclaimed: “I see the problem!”

*** end quote ***

Obviously an urban legend. A real injineer would have fixed the problem after the first malfunction. Try it again and hope for magic is Microsoft attribute.

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http://www.flixxy.com/tiny-car-review.htm

Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson reviews the tiniest car ever manufactured and shows you the possibilities when getting around the office.

*** begin quote ***

The Peel P50 was a three-wheeled microcar manufactured in 1962 by the Manx Peel Engineering Company. It was designed as a town car and was advertised as capable of seating “one adult and a shopping bag”. The car currently holds the record for the smallest-ever automobile to go into mass production, at just 134 cm (53 in) long and 99 cm (39 in) wide, with a weight of only 59 kg (132 lb). The vehicle’s only door was on its left side, and equipment included a single windscreen wiper, and only one headlight. The P50 used a 49 cc DKW engine which gave it a top speed of approximately 61 km/h (38 mph), and was equipped with a three-speed automatic transmission that had no reverse gear. Consequently, reverse motion could only be achieved by pushing, or lifting the car using the handle on the rear and physically pulling it round. Despite its diminutive stature, the Peel P50 is street legal in the UK.

*** end quote ***

What a hoot!

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FROM ONE OF FRAU REINKE’S HIGHSCHOOL BBALL TEAM AND RUNNING MATES

*** begin quote ***

NEW TURKEY RECIPE

1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully.
3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.
4. Watch your guests’ faces…

Scroll down

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

*** end quote ***

As the the big fat old turkey hisself, I fail to see the humor in this. But since Frau laughed, I thought it was blogable.

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http://stuff.co.nz/stuff/4253595a6011.html

8 tonnes of cement drop in for a drink
By SONIA GERKEN - The Southland Times | Monday, 29 October 2007

*** begin quote ***

A building project next door to the Howl at the Moon restaurant and bar in Gore’s Main St literally burst through the wall on Friday, sending 4000L of wet concrete spewing into the dining area.

*** end quote ***

Sounds like a college prank except this was for real.

Since no one was physically hurt, it’s good for a laugh.

If you want to see the difference in cultures, read the reporting. How calm! “… it was hoped insurance would cover everything”.

How civilized!

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An urban legend, but this is how I heard it.

*** begin quote ***

Back in the 1950s, men wore hats as part of their business attire.

An IBM sales rep, new on the job, was going to call on a key customer in Texas. The old sales rep met him for he was to introduce the new rep. The old rep was aghast that the new rep had no cowboy hat. “You’ll never be taken seriously”, he advised. So the stopped at the local Stetson dealer, and the new rep purchased a fine $100 Stetson cowboy hat. (In the Fifties, a hundred dollars was “real money; not like today!) The meeting went well and the new rep was warmly greeted by the client.

Everything was right with the world.

In preparing his Sales Report, the new sales rep also prepared his expense report. Of course, he attached all his receipts as part of his expenses as required by the IBM policy, including the one for the hat.

His boss returned the expense report, telling him to “lose the hat.” While the rep felt it was needed that didn’t matter. It was not on the official schedule of reimbursable expenses. And so the company wouldn’t pay for a hat!

So, the sales rep turned in a new expense report … for the same amount, but with no line in the report for the hat. In response to his boss’ questioning look, the man said, “Find the hat.”

*** end quote ***

Obviously a urban legend since no one at IBM would have ever been so confrontational.

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What was interesting in this session is the player to my far left was playing “hunches”. Varying her bet and varying her bonus play.

Guess what?

She was wiped out.

Note: 5Aces400x; StraightFlush50x; FourOfKind25x; Fullhouse5x; Flush4x; ThreeKind3x; Stright2x

If she’d have just played the bonus for the 5$/hand, she’d have been rolling in it. She was catching a bonus had every other hand. If I have had her cards, I’d have been loaded.

So that brings up the essential question. Are you playing to win the hand or the bonus?

Still don’t have an playing or exit strategy. This time I used the clock (i.e., meet for lunch or meet to go home). There has to be a better way.

Next time:
* Play at a low minimum table.
* Always play the bonus for the full five dollar stake.
* Since we are going to limit our losses, cap the loss (i.e., a “wall” of five soldiers?).

We are seeking a winning streak. A two win streak replaces one soldier. Use the breakage from the first win to advance the line and bonus bet? The commission on a 20$win gives you back a 19$. Increase you line bet and bonus bet by five each? Hole the nine for the next commission. If you win that second bet, you’ll get a full soldier back. If it wasn’t a bonus win, use the extra five to bump the bonus again. It’s all about playing more when you are winning and less when you are losing.

Comments welcome?

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session #1 at a 60$ table

push
22txxxx loss
push
push
akqxxxx lose
22xxxxx lose
99axxxx push
444q9xx push bonus15
777axxx win bouns15
77kqxxx push
jjjaqxx won bonus15
tt66axx push
akqjxxx lose
akqjt97 push bonus10
wakqxxx win
999atxx win bonus15
88qxxxx push
66qtxxx lose
ttt22ax win bonus25
wjtxxxx lose

won about $24.

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http://msgboard.snopes.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=21;t=001076;p=1

“A Few Good Salesmen”.

*** begin quote ***

Sales: “You want answers?”

Finance: “I think we are entitled to them!”

Sales: “You want answers?!”

Finance: “I want the truth!”

Sales: “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!”

Sales (continuing): “Son, we live in a world that requires revenue. And that revenue must be brought in by people with elite skills. Who’s going to find it? You? You, Mr. Operations? We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You scoff at the sales division and you curse our lucrative incentives. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know: that while the cost of business results are excessive, it drives in revenue. And my very existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, drives REVENUE! You don’t want to know the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at staff meetings … you want me on that call. You NEED me on that call! We use words like comps, pipelines, discounts, value add & global purchase agreements. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent negotiating something. You use them as a punch line! I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to people who rise and sleep under the very blanket of revenue I provide and then question the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said “thank you” and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a phone and make some sales calls. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to!”

Finance: “Did you expense the lap dances?”

Sales: “I did the job I was hired to do.”

Finance: “Did you expense the lap dances?”

Sales: “YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT I DID!!!”

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ROFL!

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Date: Thu, 15 Aug 1996 10:41:09 -0500
From: Cereal Killer
Subject: truck driver and priest <off to layers>

A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud “THUMP” and then he would swerve back onto the road.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, “Where are you going, Father?”. “I’m going to the church 5 miles down the road!”, replied the priest. “No problem, Father! I’ll give you a lift. Climb in the truck”. The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud “THUD”.

Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn’t see anything, he turned to the priest and said, “I’m sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer”.

“That’s okay”, replied the priest. “I got him with the door!

# - # - #

Obviously an urban legend. A priest might be out walking, but a lawyer?!?

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