WRITING: Unlimited Demand (An Index Card Novel)

Unlimited Demand (An Index Card Novel)

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“What did you do before the Shumer Hit The Fan, Uncle?”

The fat old white guy was old. Very old by the standards of the day. When the S did HTF, (Who cares which particular S it was. We all know that one of them will.), many people died.

“Well, Bobbie Jo, I was a sheeple like most folks. But maybe a little sharper than your average sheeple.” He laughed. “I read the various survivalist sites. I knew I was NOT John Rambo, or wealthy like Howard Hughes. And, what was the one thing that every survivalist writer or story teller harped on?”

“What Unlce? Tell us!”

“Toilet Paper!”

“Wahhh????”

“Yup, I studied how I’d make TP after the S hit the F.”

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In the Seventies, Johnny Carson made a joke about the United States facing an acute shortage of toilet paper. This prompts viewers to run out to stores and begin hoarding.

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The fat old old white guy explained:

It was after a home construction project that created a lot of sawdust that I had the idea. I had a discarded blender. And a dream, of a profession after the S hit the F! I put the sawdust into a blender. A dash of hand lotion and a little water. Puree. Pour over a screen. Spread like butter. Roll it with a dowel as thick or as thin as you like. Cover screen with a towel. Cover with a board. Put something heavy on it. (I drove my car on it.) Stack your sheets after they’ve dried completely.

It was really just taking that experience and adjusting it to post SHTF scenario. I used a chipper to make mulch. Then, an old hamburger “drill” to make “sawdust”. Hydralic jack to squeeze it. Sunshine to dry it.

My prototype could push out a computer box of TP every sunny day. On bad days, I focused on making work in process up to the drying. On good days, I focued on drying.

Since I had that part of my act together, when the S did hit the F, I was the TP king.

And that children is how I became fabulously wealthy after the S hit the F.

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